My path of brightness
seems to be withering away.
The light in my life,
is fading with every step.
[CHORUS]
The withered tree's
branches hang high
above the entrance
of brutal shadows.
Every aphotic entrance
must have a brightening
exit to a brighter future
but not this one, no - none.
There is no means of escape
from this darkened cavern.
Now a life of pure chaos is lived in
this dark, evil, grim cavern of hell.
Author notes
B l a c k P h e o n i x
Many recent events in my life have made me see no future. At the moment my life is in darkness with not a hope to go by. I'm practically turning insane as I've been pushed over the edge. I've resorted to many bad habbits at the moment such as smoking and drinking a lot.
A contest entry
- 2 prewrites a poet, you know you want to enter ^.^ by Kathraina.
800 points, ended October 16, 155 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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wow such a dark ending that sends chills down my spine!
very good job with this write, the tone here is somber and works quite well with the concept you've penned here.
bravo and thank you for entering
♥ kate -
This is brilliant.
"above the entrance
of brutal shadows."
I loved that part so much.
Amazing write.
The future may look dim but with every darkness there's a light waiting to be reveiled.
xx
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This is beautiful, definatly words that I can relate to, especially the first four lines - amazing.
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wonderful.
I really liked the beginning:
"My path of brightness
seems to be withering away.
The light in my life,
is fading with every step."
nicely done! -
This is a truely phenominal write. I love the first four lines, they really draw the reader in. I love the chorus as well. This is a very well done piece. congrats. I'm sorry about whatever it is your going through, I hope you feel better soon.
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You've definitely got some intense images going in in these lyrics...As a songwriter myself, I've dabbled in this topic. I like the mets you've used ~ my suggestion would simply be to find other words for "dark" (this is not a critique, merely a suggestion).
If you wish, this is my take on the topic:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4263511
Nicely done, good to have you featured in Today's Poem! Hope to see more from you soon!
~ Tim
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Aww this is a poem on deep loss and lonliness. very well written but makes me sad t know that a fellow poet is having such a hard time to where they cannot see a future..Chin up and remember sometimes just screaming real loud helps. Best of luck dear friend.
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Many times I , too, have been where you are now and so from experience I can say, no matter how dark it may seem the sun is there behind the clouds, or peeping out to rise from the deepest dark of night. Someone else mentioned "most men live lives of quiet desperation," and that is so true. The key is to keep moving one foot in front of the other. Read, write, express the pain, frustration, chaos, let it out and that will free you of it's grasp. It will lose it's power and you will prevail. This poem expresses such desperation, but there is hope and healing in the expression and in the comraderie of fellow poets who understand and are willing to extend encouragement to you. Good luck my friend in all your future endeavors.
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wow. i love the chrous and the title is excellent. great write.
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Wow..you have created an amazing piece here.
I loved it..
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Brutally honest in this piece. I like it.
So sad and gloomy.
There's always hope, remember that.
Great write!
xoxo.
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Emotions are just pouring in this wright! I think we've had those moments in our lives. I hope you will get through it. Don't know if anything I say can help you, but can tell you what helps me. That's music, friends and especially poetry.
Bravo!
Nela
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a brutal write ... when one has given up on hope and one only has fear as one's companion, it is a very hard lot.
give up on fear also ... see what happens.
thanks and take care.
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hope
this is indeed a sad poem, yet well written and poignant,,,what can i say there is always hope in despair..i think it was Thoreau who said "most men(sic) lead lives of quiet desperation" and so indeed we do, his solution was to simplify simplify simplify...i did and though i have lived a life of quiet desperation..i am still here drinking and smoking weed...i think it is friends that get you through and establishing a unique identity..i chose the hippy life style. a bohemian laughing like the buddha at life...you will get through this with friends to help you and you will find plenty of wonderful friends here, who ask nothing of you, who let you be you...and that in itself is a blessing.....take care my friend...eric
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amen to that Eric, amen to that.
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Todays Featured poem!
I find this to be very dark and filled with what appears to me as despair and a sense of helplessness.
I wish for you to see that there is always hope, there is always a fragment of light that gives worth to some part of your life, some part of your existence that is worth fighting for.
Never give up, Never give in.
Blessings and always try to stay positive.
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Awe, I am so sorry Jordan that you are going through a hard time in your life. I really hope things get better for you. You know you are never alone. I know we haven't talked for awhile but always know I am there. I am never truly gone. I am just gone for awhile. I am sorry that everything seems so hopless and wearly. Sorry that its nothing but darkness. I wish I could do more but I can't say I know what you are going through but I do know your not traveling through the darkness alone. I am traveling through the dark realm of my past as well and it's not a pretty sight. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt poem. I truly will pray and hope things get better. Eventually things will be okay I promise
I am sorry. 
I don't know whatelse to say since I am practically in the same point
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Hey friend life does get better. At 16 I thought I wouldn't make it to 17, my reasons were probably somewhat different than yours but the results were the same, the drinking and drugs for me started about 13 and I expected every new day to be my last. All that kept me going was that little glimmer of hope that things might get better, everything I touched turned to crap, life and love really sucked, but 40 years later I have my love and family and I've made others lives good too, it is a good feeling, hang in there my young friend, for every lost love there is another waiting around the next turn, just be open to it. I've loved many times and each was the love of my life, finally I did find the real one. You will too. I like your poems, you are a bright kid, have fun and enjoy life, don't let it weigh you down, believe me drinking and drugging won't make it any better. It's all up to you.
Good luck friend
Ric
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