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[ brown spots ]

brown spots
amongst the green
sprinkler time

A contest entry

Critical Review Requested

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • azure85 gold member
    September 7

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    Oh, that lawn needs a little pick me up of water! That's how the yard looks, if the sun's out it will be fun to jump in the sprinnkler too! Thank you so much for your color-ku.


  • Goldmare
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh, I like this one!

    Very clear image, and a good "aha" moment. Some imperfections are starting to show... time to start "cleaning up"--don't just sit around letting the "spots" get bigger!

    I may just be picky, but I have a hard time finding haiku I think are honestly good haiku and I enjoy reading them. But yours hits both nails on the head.

    Great job! Best wishes in the contest!