Mid life crisis, does that mean I’ve moved away from the edge or nearer to it?
I thought we just past right through it,
Why is image so important these days? There is more to all of us then meets the eye
Why isn’t logic sexy? Personality and wit are often the hall marks of a twit, but they get laid whilst I get way laid...... thinking about life, I don’t wont a wife who thinks I’m a laugh When really I’m a laughing stock and she thinks that’s groovy not gravy
I don’t want to be the meat to someone’s else’s veg, love does not compute but
I’m lonely and not a machine so it doesn’t have to, are you confuse? ……………..yer me to.
this does and doesn’t rhyme am I wasting my time? will anyone open up and talk? their all to busy looking good to realise I've been misunderstood, I’m losing the will live does anybody give a dam who I am?
A contest entry
- what you will by Fairies on Fire.
850 points, ended September 14, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This sounds alot like lyrics to a song, I'm curious, was it written to be that way?
I think layout could help this, the run-on lines are a little hard to follow in places.
The partly rhymed style is well excecuted but your grammar needs a check in places (for example 'their' instead of 'they're' close to the end, as well as 'dam' rather than 'damn')
Personally, I wasn't particualrly gripped by this, its not really my preferred style, but aside from the spellcheck needed, there's nothing really wrong with it at all, I just prefer more imagery and fewer words.
Thank you for entering! -
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thanks insomia
no it wasn't written as lyrics but i see what you mean, i wanted the reader to read it quickly so i avoided putting long syllables together, i wanted it to be a rant with a hint madness, it funny you say you prefer more imagery and fewer word as that's how i write most of the time,
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