As i surface from the cacoon,
The hole, i called my home,
The place i felt safe,
8 months of security rapped around me.
Thrown into the pit,
The lions den, which some call our world.
People rushing past me,
Cars, busses, trains...... A world full of people,
People rushing,
Running,
People hiding away...... No one is safe, not like i was, in my womb....
The womb some call a psyciactric hospital.
Everything seems so big,
So scary, so intimidating,
Im not ready for this,
Not prepared,
No one warned me of what to expect.
Im too fragile,
They let me go,
I said i was leaving...
No one stopped me,
No one tried to make me stay.
Why?
Why did no one hold me back,
Remind me of this evil place i was releasing myself to.
Now i walk through the jungle of the streets,
The mess entangled in my head, spilling onto the ground,
No where to go, no one to run too,
Why did i go?
Now i fantasise....
Too late to go back to where i long to be,
No where to place my broken scull.
So i fantasise......
The bus, my body, my sole, the tarmac of the road, all collided into one.
Cant go back where i belong, ill go the only other place i want to be.
I hope this doesnt trigger anything for any one. Please leave me a comment, good, bad, what ever you feel. Just please be a little sensative as they are all true stories about my life so far x
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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hey there beautifull, just want to say ive been through this and theres no right or wrong path only the one you choose. dont take the easy way out. but a tip- as daft as this sounds- when your mood brings a lil light try and grasp it. write it down or something. believe me ive been there... i just ended up with bedside care and the last time i self harmed i lost a lot of blood and i thought it was the end.im sure if theres any1 you can talk its us people on ap. were all a bunch of soppy sods
. in any case, for not writing 4 a long time you've wrote a briliant piece.
kelvin x
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Hello Little Butterfly.. Are your wings stronger now..? It will take sometime to aclimatise to the big world..I know after I spent 18months in hospital.. The world seems big and it just takes time.. Its so good to have you back...
Love Nymphetemine....
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You've gone through things that nobody should have to, and for that, I am sorry. But I'm relieved you're back on AP...I was so worried about you. Still am. All my love. <333
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I had no idea... I mean, I knew you hadn't been on here obviously (won't pretend I haven't missed you lol) but I thought you'd been on facebook or something, I don't know. I'm shocked.
You will be fine Nat, I can imagine how scary it must be but you've just got to try and keep yourself safe and go to somebody if you don't feel you can do that. I'll be happy to be there for you.
*hugs*
x x x
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Sometimes help is what we want and detest, knowing fully well what consequences might come fr either choice. And then when we finally do get help, we feel safe and protected but what happens after that? There's lots of doubts nd questions that go through our heads & sometimes we feel like we're not ready to take care of ourselves. But do know that they let you go because thye knew you were ready, and even if you're not, there are many people out there & on AP that are willing to help you along =] So face the world and show us what you can do <3
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aww god...i never knew im so sorry.....
did it help you though? aww i missed you so much!! i was worried about you cause i hadnt heard from you in so long...i hope your better than you werre...
the world is a scary place and if you felt safer in there...maybe you should go backk..
they let me go a few months ago...but they wanna put me in another unit cause im getting worse...please message me if you have the time... miss you.. xx -
oh love...
I am so sorry that you were that sick... I remember we used to talk a lot. You really helped me. I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for you. If you ever need to talk, I am here for you. Anytime. Always.
The poem was well written. I can see how scared you are. Good work.
Sam x.
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