That Evil Man.Nathan.

Ask me if I was afraid of him
And I will tell you how do you mean it
As such?
For there are roads that must be traveled
And there are road that are not paved
I have no use for my own thought process
For when it comes to him
My thoughts are raped.
I loved him with a desire so strong
That it could not have been anything but evil
For what love is this that causes such pain
That the living feel dead to thier love,
As a master's wish,
He was never my master
But I more feared
Hurting him, letting him down,
And dissapionting him.
If he had the least displeased look upon his face
I was sending myself into a spiraling abyss
Of my own personal disgrace
I would beat the hell out of myself
To make him happy and that is a metaphorical sense
For I was suicidal just at the thought
Of him being upset.
It didn't matter what form it took
If it was anger, irritation, or sadness
I felt his emotions on such a level
That he could have been ten states away
And I'd be home crying
Wondering was it my fault
What is it that I did?
Whatever was going on with him
I accused myself and forced my own tears
Not that I forced myself to cry
But rather to stop the tears
Everyday that we were in eachother's lives
And arms the tears were my only release
My words were turning into fecal matter
For they ment nothing to him at all.
When he told me he was a monster
I thought, just another lie to top the others off,
But it was the only thing that held any truth
And too late did I wait to see it for what it was
And to understand
Now that I am free of his tyranny
And he is in prison
I can finally write it all out
And put this beast to rest.
I have no idea how long it shall take
But I will not stop until the pain is through,
But I loved him...Truly, Dearly Loved him,
The only man I committed to without any space.
My first and only commitment to a man
And it tore me apart in ways that none could ever comprehend
Why oh Why are you doing this to your self
And I told them, You could not possibly ever understand
And It was no lie, because now they see
I was right
And that now I am right in all the wrong ways,
Because I should have known from day one or so
But I was in denial
For the love I could not replace.
There was nothing stronger on the street
Or in the air or in the world we live in
That could ever hold a candle to the feeling that I got
When he actually paid me a little love and attention.
Before the two years was over and done
I had a beautiful daughter
The One I'd always wanted and dreamed of
And She is the only thing that ever I can see
That made it worth all that I had to face.
His evil.
His lies.
His theft.
My Demise.
His Cheating.
His Dealings.
His time....now is his and not mine.
He was the one I wanted for life and forever
Till the day that I was to die,
But now I find
I was dead already then
And now that he's gone
Life is now mine.
My daughter
My Love
My Child
My World
And everything in it is beautiful now,
Because I have her
It was worth it for sure
And he deserves all he gets
And not in stride.
He must pay
For his sins against me
And the world in which he did dwell
Now he is in
NOT EVEN CLOSE TO
The hell he had me in
Now that he's in prison.
He knew my love was forever
And he thought I would never leave,
But once it sunk it
That I was free again,
You Bet Your Life I Had To Leave!
I'm free at last from all that he'd done and asked
And now I shall not pay any debt of his,
For now I can say
I found myself again
Finally
No help to that evil Man.
Nathan.