i've tried to find substitutes for you
sitting close not together
but touching in beds
where i can hear them whisper
"she is asleep" but i am not
i am just silent
and when i called i asked
"were you asleep?"
and you grumbled "yes."
i could have loved you,
but you didn't recommend it.
when i sink into park benches
i imagine lassoing fireflies
but i've never been skilled at snaring
so i imagine that you're flying
and it's easy to choke on the air
when there is so much between us
the bum on the other bench whispers
"we are choking" but i am not
i am just silent.
A contest entry
- Life is Pain by mitchybaby.
1000 points, ended August 31, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"lassoing fireflies"
That's a great little line...that'd be the title of this poem if it were mine!
It would be a great prmpt for a contest; you should think of it!
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I know what you mean about how you are not choking, even when everyone around you seems to be. I love the lines about how you could have but it wasn't recommended. I guess it's good to take that at face value most times.
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Seriously Poignant
I hate the word poignant because it's a word that has to be used when one reads poetry that is poignant. The thesaurus gives me 4 alternatives: affecting, painful, moving, touching. But none of them are poignant and this is, seriously so. I love your work so much.
K
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This was a very deep write, makes you think. Thank you for sharing and entering
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From concept, to execution, to the effect on the reader (me)...
Your screen name The Slant sums up the way you write; to me you convey something by words, images, ideas that seem to sit aslant what you want to say - but that makes them all the clearer, as though you force our eyes to focus.
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