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empty wide

sticky
tar-black lungs
coughed up
in an effort
to just sleep

scratchy pavement
bug bitten eyes
alone on an
island connected
to all the wrong
land

chain smoke
cant idle hands
touch screen
number not in
service.

half is enough to
take a whole
make a hole
and pieces of
a still heart
watered by the
time released
ease to
just not.

1215
waiting waiting
waiting waiting
waiting waiting
praying
(a.m)

because even if
I didn't
it's worth
begging empty
air to
hope.

numb human face
I can't see for
all the words.

a life called a day
called it quits
called a man

with a salty taste
I wait for a
bell
to whisper
at my shakey
numb
in and out
small sounds
small sounds
you promised me   

words that mean
faces
that mean help. 
that my bones
weren't strong
enough to bend 
the things I
couldn't spell

couldn't see or smell
or tell that
the thread was
wrapped around a
thought
filled with
feet that rot
without shoes
on a road
with two names
and wild eyes
waist high

cry because
now I'm
made of empty.
I have no
fingers no mind
no time
no line to
say

just time to waste
until I know

that I didn't take too
long to
understand
with a mind full of
no blinking for
days
tick tock
clock   

say he's whole
and empty
but safe.
2:08

and I wait

lemme know what you think.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • solarjinx gold member
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    k, with a poem like this (so many stanzas) I must first say that stanza 2, 5 and 10 were my absolute favorites. altogether, everything somehow pulls tight and conforms even when it's obviously clawing and scratching its way towards unconformity.

    like the fella below said, this poem certainly was a trip.. one I enjoyed very much. you did great here, and your use of personification and a few other literary elements certainly made it that much better.

    i'm drunk and it made my night. THAT'S what I'm always looking for


  • Griswold silver member
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, now this was some trip you took me on, I thought I was having mushroom flashbacks... "alone on an island connected to all the wrong land" I can relate to that well enough. Excellent write... Scott


    • shirk
      August 25
      Edit | Reply
      haha. thanks. it's about something really sad and when i wrote it/it was happening, i couldn't think in whole thoughts so i decided not to write in them.

      it was part of like the effect i was trying to get at.
      i really appreciate you taking the time to comment.