I've always loved to sit by the sea
and soak up the summer sun.
The problem is I'm still with me
and that has never been much fun.
You see, I think way too much
about all my cares and woes
so I'm still sad and depressed
as the sea laps at my toes.
I found the answer, or so I thought,
to end this self-inflicted strife
and all I needed was a dropcloth
and a sharp Exacto-knife!
The operation was quite simple.
It was easy cutting off my gourd!
But boy, did my arm get tired
while hacking through my spinal cord!
All the blood made me nauseous, too -
and I thought I was pretty tough.
But who knew that my little neck
had so many veins and stuff?
I thought it would be well worth it.
At last, I could relax at the beach
and peace and sweet contentment
would finally be within my reach.
But now I've got some new problems
like kids using my head as a ball
then pointing at me and laughing
when I chase them around and fall.
And all the people taking pictures!
I just can't take it anymore!
You'd think they'd never seen a guy
with his head in his hand before!
Then there's all the volleyballers.
Man, those spikes can really sting!
But worse is when they leave me
face down in the sand, smothering!
Things are even worse than before.
My life's a complete and total wreck.
For instance, when I try to eat
the food just falls out of my neck.
And driving! That's another problem.
It's nearly impossible! Good Lord!
It's not easy using a rearview mirror
with my head on the dashboard!
I'd like to put my head back on
but when I try, it really smarts.
Besides, I think I threw away
one or two important parts.
So all you folks out there who feel
like your heads are useless boulders,
please remember, it's always best
to keep them on your shoulders.
(On the bright side, I bowl more now
and at the lanes, I'm quite a hit!
My mouth and my nostril holes
are an absolutely perfect fit!)
Author notes
Written April 1st, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Write a poem on this picture by angelica.
300 points, ended April 5, 2004, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Eeeuuuuwwww!
This was funny but it actually made me feel a little squeamish! I have a shockingly weak stomach and its getting worse as I get older! -
Hi Autumn,
Actually, that picture was posted by the person who held the contest, so I'm neither.
Glad I could give you a laugh!
Mark -
This is great, had me laughing! Great job! So are u the head or the body? LOL!
Autumn -
More, More
You are a very disturbed individual. I like that in a person. -
I about fell outta my chair laughing so hard!! You do have a great sense of humor & the picture was just the right touch!! Too dang funny!! Keep up the great work! And I thought I had a twisted sense of humor at times,,lol,,cheers to you!!
-
Heady
Hey Mark,
Congratulations!! I hope you don't get a big 'head' because you won! You always seem to be one step "a head" of the crowd! Umm, "heads" really turned at this one... Well, gotta "head" off now.
I hope you're feeling better, and that your "head" doesn't hurt too much.
~~Kerry
Edited on Apr 08, 3:21 p.m. because 'none of your beeswax!!!'. -
Thanks Adam,
I laughed my "head" off reading your comments. Thanks for the praise. Then again, you've always had a great "nose" for poetic masterpieces such as this. haha
Mark
P.S. I haven't been at school because a monster bug got me. I hope you won't mind letting me know what I've been missing at Black Tigers when I'm up and at it again.
P.S.S. Did you ever get The Way of the Peaceful Warrior? -
This one is a "head" above the rest! "Face" it, its good. You're "heading" in the right direction with this one. Keep up the good work and dont lose your "head". lol!
Thanks...
Dragon -
Congratulations my friend and well deserved win~
Thanks for the visit and appreciate your words~
This is to darn funny~
I am glad I was not drinking at the time~
Could have been a health hazard~
Big hugs
and much love~Desire
-
Thanks for the gold, Angelica! It was a great idea for a contest and I had a lot of fun writing this. As soon as I saw that photo, I knew the possibilities for jokes were endless, but the most prominent thought was the lengths one might go to for peace of mind - kind of a final, desperate solution.
Thanks again Angelica, and thanks to all my friends who commented on this, too. I'm glad I could give you all a few chuckles.
Mark -
OMG this is too much, hilarious.Love it~angelica
-
HYSTERICALLY FUNNY!
Oh my god!!!! Me and Amanda are laughing our asses off right now! I quote from Amanda, "Goddammit, that's funny as fucking shit!" (If you can believe such profanity came from such a sweet, innocent-looking girl! )
It was so macabre in the beginning, I was shuddering, but then it got so incredibly funny. That ending was absolutely hysterical
Thanks for the laugh!!! See ya tomorrow!
Kerry
Edited on Apr 03, 11:18 p.m. because 'none of your beeswax! heehee'. -
Oh my , I entered this contest and I am not judging it , but in my opinion the gold is yours I cringed at the exacto knife , then laughed hysterically at your head being used in all those different ways ........but you have given me an idea
should I ever chop mine off at the beach , I will do as the ostrich does ,....hmmmmmm, darn those little kids and their shovels and buckets building sand castles ........not a good idea after all eh ?
Best of luck ,
Reenie
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LOVE IT!!!! Just too darn funny... especially how the beginning started off somewhat serious.. boy did it take a drastic change Quite a descriptive way of telling everyone it's best to keep your head on your shoulders
You were so detailed... it was a riot, Though I don't think I'd be laughing if I saw someone in person with their head
in their hand... I believe I'd be running You've got such a great sense of humor.. and you're so talented at writing. I love reading your works. This poem flows smooth as silk... and your rhyming is just perfect. I'm glad you go the picture figured out.. lol... cuz it's a hoot! 
I really enjoyed this one.. thanks!
GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST!
~Aimee
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Mark! Belly is hurting from laughing! How could you be so funny and so macaber at the same time?! LOL
I liked this so verrrrryyyy much, with or without head! What reminded me to keep my own on the right place.
Funny! Amusing! Great!
Mari
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