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Black metaphor

In the brevity of our encounter...
you skillfully,
took all of me.

And in the darkness of the evening,
everything you spoke to me,
was composed of passion...
revealing what I believed to be..
the deeper meaning.

Your skin ;deep drown.
but it illuminated the night,
I should have known then..
of the danger,
but my lust was so evident,
Foolish simile.

You held me so close, and lied.
I felt safe in your arms,
Black Metaphor, you decieved me...
left me lifeless in an arid desert,
I was ready to expire.

I couldn't have known it then,
when you were inside,
that in a matter of moments,
I would be kneeling from the pain,
crying out deeply,
from the endless sorrows, tossing aside all pride.

Black metaphor,
you held me close to you,
and lied...

The pain I'm coping with
should be with you,
These tears streaming my face;
DRY.

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • spiritraven
    September 10

    Edit | Reply

    Well Done

    SurprisedThe words explode from the page with passion.  The emotion tugs at the heartstrings.Cry

    A very smooth read and it captivates the reader. What more can a poet ask for. Thank you so much for sharing.Surprised

  • mcfreeman
    September 1
    Edit | Reply

    always at risk....

    always at play...always...is left for another day.


  • Fairies on Fire
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that background hurt.

    But to the poem- I wasn't instantly attracted to the narrative style, though the first three lines did hook me in. I thought it was pretty funny that you used my list of what I was looking for as a word bank, actually, so points to you for that.

    However, I found the poem content to be a little melodramatic and tired, lines like "left me lifeless and ready to die" sound like one's I've read before. I didn't feel that there was much of your personal voice in the poem, and so it didn't live up to the promise of the first few lines.

    I'm removing this poem from the contest, because it's not really what I was after, I'm very sorry and wish you the best of luck with your writing.

    -Sarah x