4 a.m.
Drunk again
Vision spins
Stumbling & vomiting
Shortcut home
All alone
Stewed & stoned
Blasting "Corpse" on my headphones
Cross the tracks
Feel the smack
Flesh is smashed
and bones are cracked
Through the air
I am sent
Torn & bent
An AMTRAK dismemberment
Author notes
Semi-true story
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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Damn, I could easily picture this as if I were walking with someone who had just been hit by a train. I definately identify with the 4 a.m. drunk again. Thats scarey that it is a semi true story!
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Ooh, I can feel the pain in this one. Even if you didn't say that it was a true story, I still would have felt it. Nice imagery.
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ouch!!
like your unusual use of rhyme (alone/stoned). interesting piece with a humorous message - catch a cab!
hope the true bit is that you got drunk and stoned and walked along the train tracks.
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Yeah it is a bit stretched, but if you say it in a death metal voice (ala Cannible Corpse), it sounds perfect.
The only untrue part about this piece is that I wasn't listening to music or throwing up...and of course I didn't lose any limbs.
"Catch a cab"...HILARIOUS
!
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lol. that makes me laugh. a kid down here got hit by a train cept he wasnt drunk he was just dumb enough not to hear the train.
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i loved this. the short lines added to it and it was just eerie. nice one =]
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It's shortness also shows just how fast a moment can come upon you and find yourself being quickly hit by a fast moving train and be over as quickly in the blink of an eye
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lol of course how could i forget that usefull piece of information
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Well, the alcohol that puts one on the tracks in the first place could fuzz the memory a bit.
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haha! oh true probably mad drunk n shit
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Something to that effect, yeah.
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ha. this is an amazing write! I love it so much! thanks so much for sharing. and best of luck to you in the future and with your writing
andi
(redhanded)
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The train must hit someone.
When we get drunk many of us feel overwhelmed by POWER.
We feel like we are invensable.
"feel the smack"
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It hit me....
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uuugghhh
Very visual...and I recall the dude that got twisted with that in real life. Pppfftt.. The quick one two beat of this suits the content...stark balck and white...and I like the feel of irony you've put in this. A good solid write!
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oops.. forgot clappy people..
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I absolutely adore the rhyme scheme here, simple and bold, fitting well with the drunken state... and also adding a kind of dark humour to the piece. Well penned, though that can't have been the most fun experience.
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YES!
Finally somebody saw the funny in this piece!
You Rock
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yes, I can relate to the first two stanzas very well. And to the last one partially. There was a time when I wondered what would happen if I got hit by a train... It all looks so glamorous at 4 a.m. when you're drunk... the lights and all.
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I've thought about it, but never actually attempted it, on purpose.
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I like the drink but I don't like the hang-overs !!!!!
vivid write
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Dismemberment and being disembowled is the best anti-hangover prevention out there
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Wow. I can almost see it happening. Well done.
Shortcut home
All alone
Stewed & stoned
Magnificent. -
Effective -- I like the Rhyme
This has happened. I hope this wasn't real for you.
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Partially true
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lmfao. for fuck sakes. seriously. what an ironic song to be listening to .. nothing better than a walk home at 4am wasted and blowing chunks. oh yeah, this ones amusing. a bit painful.
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That's terrible.I had to google the word to find out it was the name of a train.I know how ya are so I hope nothing bad will ever happen again.I'll keep you in my prayers.I've read this poem months ago,but didn't know it was a true story.It's a good poem as always,makes the reader think.Now you should be happy I'm listening hip hop and not some sad song cause probably I'd be very sad
Nothing to do with being a retard or not.I nearly got crashed by some cars this year,cause hadn't slept enough.Where you trying to end your life? I hope not.
I know that as your friend I'm not supposed to say such things,but I bet ya looked sexy ,wandering in the dark listening music.
Anyway hope u'll be more careful.
sheeeeeeeeeeep
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Whoa!
This is the first time i've seen and read this comment.
You were in a car accident this year?!
I wasn't trying to end my life there, because if I stood in front of this train thats going 60 mph, it truely would have knocked me apart.
I was just drunk and being bold for no reason....lost my damn cigarettes too(!)
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I hope it isn't true! Hah, dunno if this is good or bad but I smiled at the first stanza. I like how it all rhymes and is still gory ^^
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I was drunk, and I did get clipped by the train, but somehow managed to keep my entire leg intacted and limp home.
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*shakes head* well I hope you learned your lesson, don't go by the train tracks unless you have a pegleg wit'cha.
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this made me giggle. dunno y besides i am a weirdo.
anyways, since it's semi-true, did you go get run over by a ghost train? ;p
one correction: "Throught the air" = through [don't forget to shoot the messenger]
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Two summers ago.
And no, it was an AMTRAK, hencethe title
Thanks for the typo.
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wow very vivid and powerful. Great piece.
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wow very powerful loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
very insperational and i can relate to the first few verses loved it great job
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You've never been hit by a train have you?
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no but plenty of cars
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Have a passion for waling on yellow and white lines?
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you would thnk so
but ive only been ran over on purpose no accidents and always off road -
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Well, at least you know you are just unliked, and not a clumsy retard
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yeah
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