Encrypted nonsense guarded by intellect
reviling many interpretations
or heart felt revelations? you decide
Our personalities are all that lies between us,
though we share conscious minds
each creates it’s own inner reality
we can not think beyond our own mentality.
When it comes to love and emotions
our most profound thoughts
no mater how deep the contemplation
are tainted by our own imagination.
Reflections preconceptions
our own imperfections,
when it comes to love we can’t
change our minds.
Comments
-
Something about this poem seems a little off. I think in places the rhythm hiccups a little, which throws the flow off a bit. I can't actually pinpoint a specific place, but its the impression I got. Also, I think there are a few typos which ruins the polish a bit. I think you might mean 'revealed' in line 2, not reviled, and 'matter' in line 10. Additionally, this could do with a grammar check.
Subject-wise, you've chosen a nice topic, but I think the poem could use some more work. I'm not a huge fan of rhyme but you've done an alright job, there's none of the wincing here that I often do when faced with a rhyming poem, its not too 'clunky' or forced sounding. But the sentances themselves sound unnatural, as if you've tried to write in a 'poetry' style. I can't explain myself very well here except to say that the overall effect is a little unedited. By bias towards imagery may also be showing a little here!
I do really like the last verse though, the flow is much nicer and it makes a good ending. The phrase "Reflections preconceptions / our own imperfections" has an almost musical beat to it which makes me happy.
Thank you for entering
-Sarah x
-
Well Done ! !
A very profound and accurate assessment of the human psyche quite an interesting point of view I enjoyed reading this..Best Wishes...George...
p.s. Give my "Journeys Through the Mind" a whirl I think you'll like it
Adding your comment:
