ashes to ashes
or something like that...
our delusions of adequacy
obscure the joy of knowing
that someday
there will be only earth
and wind
Author notes
credit to fixmypast
http://www.fixmypast.com/comment.php?m=1&id=122
A contest entry
- if you come to think of it... by piggyback.
400 points, ended September 22, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Where does it take you?
Comments
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I love the simplicity of the first two and last three lines - very powerful. I think the second line diminishes the effect a bit. The third and fourth lines use more pretentious words and at first that bothered me, but reading it again I find that to be a very balanced area. This poem is so final-sounding, yet has a strong sense of peace to it which I like. I think it would flow a little better divided into stanzas, but that is just how I read it. Beautiful. Thank you for entering my contest
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Thanks for the thoughtful comment, and for the gold!
How might you divide it into stanzas for flow? I'm not sure where to break it apart. Suggestions are welcome.
I agree the language in the mid-bits is a bit pretentious; but that's actually how I speak, and think. (I guess I'm a bit pretentious? haha)
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