sometimes
I play the piano
drunk,
on an old keyboard
with broken keys
and I play it in rhythm
to the burn of whiskey
shot down my throat;
the contemplation
of where heaven
meets hell,
becoming a blur,
a vagueness
where lines are barely
present. as I puff
my cigar, playing
music off-key,
I realize,
it's all a little mental,
isn't it? the piano weeps
yet continues
playing...on...and on...
and smoke halos above
until, it, too, is gone.
In a list
A contest entry
- COMMENTS CONTEST V.3.0 by Bean Sidhe.
950 points, ended October 23, 49 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the Allpoetriers by wandyway.
550 points, ends December 6, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 61 of 61
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delicious. Bukowski-esque. All you need now are lines about the horses and dirty bars with cheap wine and we may have the next big poet on our hands. Glad to see he's appreciated by the youth of this nation. -Well done.
*~Peace~*
L.
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Does the music sound better when you are drunk? I can just picture, playing music totally wasted, playing the piano off-key but rocking out like it was the best music you have ever played. This is great.
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I just happened to enter this contest, and saw you here. Wierd cause I just entered one of yours...lol. Your title reminded me of your contest. This was a great piece. The images were spot on, and I love smoke and pianos...and of course, a good drink to make you forget now and again. Lovely stuff here.
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There is a definite Bukowski flavor to this piece & I'm an instant fan of yours. There is a certain level of simplicity relating in this poem and although I'm certain that every word is specifically chosen and placed, it seems effortless. The line breaks and typography add to the illusion that is created in my head as I read. What a wonderful gem to run across! I tried, desperately hard, in fact - to find something to change or criticize but the only thing that I could offer is the use of "ambiguity" in lieu of "vagueness". And that's it. Gah.
Thank you for your entry in my humble little contest. I look forward to reading more of your work in the coming days. Best of luck.
- Bean Sidhe -
lol that was awesome! great job and good luck!
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you write better drunken poetry than anyone, i believe.
i love this. -
Isn't intoxication amazing? I like the form and the flow, well done I especially like the line, "and I play it in rhythm
to the burn of whiskey
shot down my throat;"
really awesome line.
~Betrayals
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very well played drunk or not.
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this blew me away, truly amazing write and your integration of the all the prompts was flawless, I am in awe of your talent......great job poet!
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There's some great lines in your poem, however, from an old whiskey swilling codgers point of view it could use some editing to enhance the flow and the underlying message. I enjoyed the read and wish you well in the contest.
Happy trails.
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what part didnt flow well in your opinion? the seemingly random linebreaks were done on purpose to put emphasis on certain words...and I was trying to demonstrate "playing music off key" / "in rhythm to the burn of whiskey" (part of an extended metaphor throughout) it might seem all disjointed and random in places but it wasn't unintentional
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Wow you've combined all these
prompts so brilliantly. I absolutely
love the metaphor, diction, imagery,
concepts, everything! This truly
deserves gold.
Outstanding work
Best wishes in the contest
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You're such a talented poet. I loved this write, so.. outspoken, yet simple. The imagery is outstanding, kind of sad in a sense. Nice diction and I found this to be very poigant. Great job and thanks for sharing.
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Nailed it. Bookmarked.
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Wow. Matt. Blown away by this one.
I have no words for such brilliance. You definitely have gold here.
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Hey, this is so beautiful. You really did some awesome work, it's so elegant the whole way through. I know that feeling, thanks so much for writing it.
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My God Man,
you played my tune! and tapped on keys
that drew from my mind! Matt this is so
Divine! this is powerful!
with love and blessings
Rend
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little Bukowski?
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i LOVE it!
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Wow! I really loved the analogies. "the piano weeps yet continues playing...on..and on.." was my favorite. Great work! Try the sax drunk next time!!
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this reminds me of that Bukowski title, Playing The Piano Drunk Like A Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin To Bleed A Bit.
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that's a solid book--I own it
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Exceptional. The prompts are only an afterthought...
You are weaving your way through to the place I knew
you would find inside...I'm happy
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Wow .... i liked those words .....
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Lol
getting better and better
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i LOVE this.
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Where are all the comments on this? I do not understand why there is not more applause. WHAT IS THIS INSANITY?
Haha!
Yesssss, this is clever. I suck with prompts, but no, you pull it off. Hardly surprising
Some people hog all the talent.
The best parts are the piano weeping and the smoke halo I like the prima facie simplicity of this, because there is such depth between the lines.
I'll have whatever your muse is having. In bulk. Also, I agree with what everyone else said because I am too lazy to type it again
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fucking amazing.
this is what writing is really about. that right there
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perfect.
i wish i had a piano to play too.
reminds me of a couple scenes in the movie charlie bartlett
one when he's singing with his doped up on happy medication mom
and one when he's taking too much adderall and is high playing.
must be nice. the whole rhythm and imagery is wonderful.
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Great Job
This was really cool, and I loved the imagery. It sorta reminded me of the song "the piano man" by Billy Joel . I also like the rhythm of the poems ending. Your use of short lines to help convey the mood of the poem was very appropriately chosen. The setting of the mood with the imagery , line length and rhythm you chose was the best part. Great Job.
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Makes me think of Tom Waits...
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It does have a bit of sadness to it. "to the burn of whiskey
shot down my throat;" caught my attention the most. Like there's no relief behind the alcohol, just cause and effect. Beautiful in an extremely sad way. Especially since whiskey is suppose to chase the pain away huh?
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Brilliant
I think you hit the taget as far as the prompts are concerned. This poem shows a great deal of talent and original thinking. It reminded me a little of Tom Waits, but in your own original voice. It's an excellent poem. You use intersting words and create great images with them, which is a talent in, and of itself. Very well written.
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Clearly, playing the piano sober is something I gotta stop doing.
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haha agreed
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schweet. good imagery, i was right there with you at the piano. this poem reminds me of a few evenings of my own...
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Good poem, reminds me of what I would write had I been thinking of the Piano Man by Billy Joel. well done.
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keep playin' and maybe, who knows, what shall come. .... sounds like ....such is all mental' and true it is. I can relate with this poem. excellent. Love, -- ♥
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drunk!
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Very well done! This poem is absolutely captivating. I could not only see the fantastic imagery that you take command of but I was drawn into the emotion of the moment. Standing ovations and three bunnys!
Love,
Amera♥
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absolutely beautiful =) very striking, and fascinating concept to begin with. music is kind of an intoxication in itself for me, so i was completely drawn in by the title i love the first half of this:
sometimes
I play the piano
drunk,
on an old keyboard
with broken keys
and I play it in rhythm
to the burn of whiskey
shot down my throat;
the contemplation
of where heaven
meets hell
very raw and almost desperate-sounding. great write.
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Wow. It's so deep. It's also how a lot of people feel sometimes.
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...the next stop is VEGAS. heh. Great write, Matt. I wish you the best in the contest.
Ann
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well done
this was a good alcohol induced mental scenario you painted...and mind that very realistic...piano weeping reminded me of the famous song wordings.....and my guitar weeps...loved these lines:I realize,
it's all a little mental,
isn't it? the piano weeps
yet continues
playing...on...and on...
and smoke halos above
until, it, too, is gone.
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well done ...
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Great imagery here, and sometimes you just have to sit down and bang, and the music you make might not sound like anything to anyone else, but somehow, in some way, it soothes your soul a little.
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loved your comment... playing the piano drunk was my own metaphor for writing poetry drunk and your comment pretty much sums that up
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Ran like a movie, loved it all
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nice , i like the way you picture your imagination into these beautiful words , great work . thanks for sharing !
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Your wording here is superb. You really are a good painter of imagery, and it shows well here, in this piece, man.
Awesome work. Hope that you stick to playing the piano drunk. Most other things can be potentially hazardous!!! (I used to get drunk on balconies with old pals...)
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The piano
I love your poem...because I can see myself sitting at the bench.
Playing sober is hard enough but sitting playing alittle drunk...
it seems to be forgiving and allows the emotions to flow.
The great thing about a piano is it will accept any mood and also seems to welcome-
88 keys that offer you to create.
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I'm even more impressed now, Poet, considering I can't even play the piano whilst sober. The blues would be my choice if I could somehow pull it off with any amount of grace. Good luck in the contest. 
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hmmmm.... okay I had this picture of this man... sitting at a piano... a glass of some kind of drink sitting on the top of the piano while the man drummed away at the keys... your words pictured this soo very clearly great write as usual.
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Seems the melody heard sometimes goes up in smoke doesn't it, when we find the notes hard to reproduce with the words C
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if i were beside you, we could do chopsticks, and sing...
sometimes our souls want to sing, play, make music, we just aren't sure what
genre to use... keep writing though, luv ya sweetums... play, play, away. winks.
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...i have no words.
you astound me.
Bravo
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It's interesting. I always love a different way of looking at something and you offer this in this in this write. Thank you for sharing.
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MAtt, i read this twice and each time it made me feel sad for some reason. I saw lots of muted colors in amber and greens, not sure of the melody the piano player was playing but was slow and sad for me. Thanks for sharing!!!
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Zomg. This ran smoothly in my mind. I can not tell you how this piece sunk in soo deep in me. Well done. By far the best read of the day already !!!
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