Being sober is a good thing in a way
But I miss the feeling of not caring about anything
I want to laugh at people who hit and kick me
I want to laugh at the abuse that I am given
I want to enjoy the pain that I will no longer have
One day, someone is going to come along
They will take me away from this place called home
They will kill the part of me that will never come home
Whether they do is quickly or slowly
Would be their choice
Would you even notice I was gone?
More than likely, I would be just a ghost that had passes through
Drugs are a passage way that allows me to not care about a family
Even though I wanted one so very badly
I did everything in my power to get one
I stopped cutting, drinking, drugging, sleeping around
But did I finally get a family?
I do not believe so, at least not yet
It feels like every other time I was in a foster home
Sitting waiting for something to happen
The only excitement I got was going to school
Now, school just seems so far away
Being there for a few hours isn’t enough
I want a break; I want to go away for a night
I want to appreciate what I have
I want to feel like I need where I am at
But wanting never helped anyone except allowed them to dream
I cannot dream or just enjoy my sleep
Those nightmares attack me night after night
Of how I am going to die in multiple ways
No one knows what I see and who I see killing me
Someone take me out of my misery and take me to a new place
A place where I don’t need to have love
No affection, no caring, no love
I don’t want to feel like I need to belong
A place like that has no other name but a HELL on earth
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