He had become a weight we
carried around,
an inert body with a brilliant mind.
World travel memories
thrown at us like a multicolour ball
of sunshine on landscape paradise.
We used to light up cigarettes for him
help him smoke inserting
a menthol or a blond between his lips
removing it every fifteen seconds
in a five minutes ballet routine
that kept him alive and willing
twenty four years.
.
Author notes
Prompt:
"Even in the darkness every colour can be found."
-Anon
M.S Multiple sclerosis.
A contest entry
- Prompt Inspired. by Naridill.
550 points, ended September 3, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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great piece here
Details with
cigarette if a smoker
come across
like you wouldn’t believe .
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wow, that is tough... I can well imagine the scene this calls forth.
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I adore the second stanza. I feel the comparison in both is different, the first fills a sensual feeling to the reader and the second gives a more intense and stark relation. Nicely penned.
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Thank you very much for the positive comment your analysis of this piece is spot on, and thanks for the trophy.
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Wow
This one is fantastic. It captures the feelings and frustrations. My ex brother in law retired from the Air Force after 30 years and then was diagnosed with M.S., quickly progressing. He got worse and worse and died after 2 years. How sad..how frustrating.
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Excellent
wow, what a great description of a very sad disease. So very well written. Best of luck in the contest.
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This is so sad.
I know someone with MS and my fiance went through tests for it (thank god they were all negative) I was worried for months though... crying and oh, it was BAD.
I don't know what to say other than this.... touched me.
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