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Exposed

You burst like a demon from the husk of it's host,
scattering pulp and marrow.

Your serrated teeth chewed from the stomach out,
and now you squirm on the ground like a newborn foal,
defenseless.

Beneath your shell you thrived,
but when oxygen hit you,
the lies shriveled and fell like ashes.

Now you are at my mercy,
like I was at yours,
before I cut you out.

What do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • XxNinjaNemoxX
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    I love this.
    It's so dark and cringeworthy, I hate the adultfiltering, can't wait till I can get past it, I want to read your darker stuff!

    You burst like a demon from the husk of it's host,
    This line hit me for some reason.
    Great write!
    xoxo.


    • Miss Macabre
      October 11
      Edit | Reply
      Oh geez, I forgot you can't read my adult stuff. You can't even read the poem that gave me my namesake!

      • XxNinjaNemoxX
        October 11
        Edit | Reply
        It's so gutting! One more year and you'll be getting loads more comments from me!
        Keep writing darkly, I'll enjoy it in a years time.
        xoxo.


  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    is this like a continuation of the other poem you entered. i think it is very very similar. thank you again for enterig and i hope to see you int he next round


  • MissingBatteries
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    To be honest, it is a bit frustrating trying to figure out a comment to leave on your work, because there really is only so much you can say. I think I ran out of words after about the third one. I like not having anything to say, because it is new, but it is still damn frustrating. I can learn so much from you about imagery..."You burst like a demon from the husk of it's host,/ scattering pulp and marrow."
    Deliciously gruesome.


    • Miss Macabre
      August 24
      Edit | Reply
      I have the same problem with poetry sometimes, it's hard to put what you feel into words. Thanks for reading.


  • StarEyes
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    what a dark and unusual piece. But you know, it is almost like that isn't it? You do give us something to think about with this one. Kinda reminds me of a time long ago, and well it wasn't very pretty... great job on this one!


  • evershine-90
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    A very dark and twisted piece. Glad that you've triumphed from these demons. Keep it up!


  • Afe-la
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you have put this together, gives for strong imagery and a shiver down the back The third stanza is my favorite, it turns the tides if you will.

1 - 12 of 12