Moonlight set sight 'pon sapphire waltzes pass'd;
Belov'd sea follow'd its gaze with her own;
That swells enchant'd flourish'd, dress'd to last;
Hath embraced realms of lunar repose shown.
Where constellations etched in midnight swoon,
Maidens did'st drift in pure serene;
From liquid light, I dream'd of hypnotic moon;
Beyond horizon deep, I leap'd unseen.
Round many seas hath I travell'd indeed;
I cursed not; myne delight ne'er denied;
Nor did I doubt illumination freed;
That bond henceforth forged with myne seaborne bride.
From many fathoms 'neath, submersion gleam'd;
O how its glory entwined danced, it seem'd!
Author notes
I entered this into an anonymous contest, so please don't use my user name if you are kind enough to comment. Thank you, in advance. 
A Shakespearean sonnet is a 14 line poem composed of 3 quatrains rhyming abab, cdcd, and efef, followed by one rhyming couplet rhyming gg. Each line needs to be written in 10 syllables. The final rhyme is where the poet needs to provide closure in the poem. I'm fairly new at writing any form poetry really, other than haiku, so if any of you skilled sonneteers out there have any advice, feel free to drop me a line.
In a list
A contest entry
- Celebrating one year here and 3000 comments... by DinkyDiver.
3000 points, ended September 4, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 2 prewrites a poet, you know you want to enter ^.^ by Kathraina.
800 points, ended October 16, 156 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Paint me a Picture by Dryad Enya.
460 points, ended September 12, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please feel free to offer constructive comments, as I welcome those.
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
-
Thank you so much.
I wish I could give you 5 stars for your comments, but my computer won't let me for some reason. Pamela Lamppa highly recommended your poetry. She was so right.
_
Don -
Oh, think this a fine Shakespearean sonnet here, indeed! Not easy to write as a great deal of effort went into it with splendid results:
"That bond henceforth forged with myne seaborne bride."
This line I especially loved!!
-
hehehehe I still loves this!!! IT'S GOING IN MY LIST OF GOOD WORKS!! xx
-
Again your love for the ocean and skill with old English language shines brightly in this piece. Even though the image above is beautiful i find your words more enchanting, your image painted is even more masterful and brilliant. Great inspiring work. This makes me appreciate all the great lakes I live near, though they are miniscule in comparison to the ocean, they are all connected aren't they?!
Lovely piece and thanks for your kind reassuring words regarding my last poem about my friends loss.
Peace
Cassie
-
-
Thank you so much, Cassie.
I really enjoy writing these, so I'm honored by your comments. For some reason, I'm unable to rate comments on my poems lately. It works on other computers, except mine. I always give 5 stars.
Don
-
-
Profound-beautiful...
The concept and contents of "Sapphire Waltz (Shakespearean Sonnet)", and its subjects dealt can make this a masterpiece if the proper revision is applied to it. I do like it, and have felt the great potentiality of this Sonnet.
My suggestion is that the author allows himself time to dedicate in the revision of "Sapphire Waltz (Shakespearean Sonnet)", for I am certain that it will glow among poetic stars.
A sonnet is the prince of poems. (Common knowledge)
In words of Sonneteer Richard Vallance: "No words too few; no words too many. A sonnet must be precise. Words must mean and occupy the right space. In a sonnet one should avoid repetition and anything prosaic."
When writing a sonnet, one must be heedful with the choice of words. It is also important to define the language and wording. The English Sonnet is a reference to form. One may write it in today's English or Victorian's, but never to mingle the speaking forms, for it is not a productive and cooperative experience.
Apostrophe: This mark ' indicates omission of one or more letters.
In a verseline it is used to indicate omission only in syllable's counting. Exemple: "NE ' ER. Ne'er for NEVER".
First verseline, last word: "Pass'd". That omission doesn't change the sound of the word. Phonetically it is pronounced the same way. with one syllable.
Second verseline, second and third words: "Belov'd --- follow'd": These words have two syllables each, therefor, the use of an apostrophe there doesn't do anything in the verseline, once phonetically each is pronounced with two syllables. Same is with the word "flourish'd," on the third line, for it has only two syllables either way: FLOURISH/Flourished. and "dream'd" on line seven.
(The Apostrophe is also used to to indicate the possessive case of nouns and indefinite pronouns.)
Sixth line, second word: "did'st". It is not a contraction. DIDST. It is the archaic past second singular of do.
The syllable counting of line seven: Eight syllables; and line eight has eleven.
I have enjoyed spending time learning from Your poetential, (Poetic Potential) and am most honored to avail myself for a cooperative and rewarding literary communion under the light and smiles of Mother Poet.
In respect and admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
-
-
Thank you so much, Andre!!
I absolutely loved this. Your knowledge in this area is definitely something I want to learn from. I greatly respect the time you took to teach me something invaluable here. Blessings to you.
I will work on some revisions here where they're needed.
Don
-
-
This is a very nice job. I didn't measure the piece, but I presume you did it right, that said, its a tricky venture writing nice sonnets, a skill I wish to learn some day. Excellent job, as always you seem to have a talent with form poetry. My one complaint would be the the out of date language, middle English is cool, but our English is too, why not use it? But I suppose one feels compelled when one is writing in these old styles. Great job and best of luck in the contests its entered in.
-
Wonderful
What a great write. And so very well expressed. A terrific write. Best of luck in the contest
-
Beautifully done...
Impressive work...
I've never written a sonnet, tis one on my to do list...
And this is such a passion filled piece of sonnet perfection to be inspired by...
More than worthy of the bronze shiny you be sporting for it...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
-
I've read this before but i never knew how to praise such a poet on hos poem. Now I know, you tell them a story of the emotions running through your head. You tell the author of the pain your heart feels because you can't be there...
he climbed into the belly of the great white bear
it's very sticky and it smells a little fishy
but no one will look for him there
he took a moment to pick his thoughts and make them clear
oh what a day it's been
oh what a terrible state he's in
oh what a day it's been
oh what a terrible state he's in
her eyes are wired there's a hat over her thick black hair
they're racing through the snow
their sweaty hands keep slipping
but they're almost there
her father's shotgun ringing out now through the cold night air
oh what a fix they're in
oh what a terrible sin
oh what a fix they're in
oh what a terrible sinister game
the hunter did play
to give them the hope
that they could get away
when biding his time
he did wait down the line
to bring a disaster
on their youthful dreams of escape
oh what a day its been
oh what a day its been
run! there's a bullet in your back
run! run! there's a bullet in your back
run run run there's a bullet in your back
but i wouldn't take it back, i wouldn't take it back
run run run there's a bullet in your back
but i wouldn't take it back, i wouldn't take it back
run run run there's a bullet in your back
but i wouldn't take it back, i wouldn't take it back
run run run there's a bullet in your back
and i want to take it back
You are as stunning as ever and you make my life so hard!
Best of luck
Dryad Enya
-
-
Thank you so much, Gorecki.
I tried so hard to write a new sonnet for your contest, but I had some terrible writers' block all week, so I stuck with a pre-write. I finally got a sonnet written last night, though. At least, I'm back on track.
Don
-
-
Oh wow, this is such a lovely write!
The imagery is just so beautiful, I wish I was out on the sea right now!
Masterfully done
Bravo and thank you for entering
♥ kate -
A Beautiful and Passionat sonnet
This is lovely...
Thy words as light 'pon ev'ry heart hath shone..
Awesome work here!!!
Thanks for sharing and
congrats on the shiny!!
~Pastel
-
A well-crafted sonnet.
Congratulations on the Bronze.
-
wow wow wow I do likes!! So beautiful and you choose my favorite topic points to you indeedy! I love the olde english in this and your love and passion that spoke through out this write Thankyou so much xx DD
-
again beuaty in the sonett .. i went on a sea cruise and was 25 days sea sick out of 30 so im not a great sea goer but its beauty awes me and so did this fine piece
-
-
Thank you so much, Glenn.
I got sea sick for the first two weeks I was out to sea. I sure ate a ton of saltine crackers that first couple weeks, so they would help to coat my stomach. It didn't help when I had a nasty flu at the same time. After a while, it just became natural to kind of sway with the movement of the ship. I was on a 512 foot guided missile destroyer, and the North Atlantic hit us the hardest. Thankfully, I didn't spend my first two weeks onboard there. We were coasting through the Med. The North Atlantic would toss us around like a top on steroids.
Australia's coastline must be incredibly gorgeous this time of the year, huh?
Don
-
-
My dear brother, this reads so well..sighs~
Just beautiful...
Your imagery is simply amazing and I adore this photo, it fits so perfectly with this write...
Once again I have been enchanted by your gift...
Many blessings
Asdzaa~
-
Precious~
This is one Beautiful Sonnet my Friend
and after reading Your Author's Notes...
I Believe one can be in Love with the sea~
You sure have proven that here with Your
words Bravo! 
Powerful Images also weaving of words...
Wow~ I don't pen Sonnets too often
for I rather walk a bajillion miles in the
Sahara Desert
However You Inspire the Reader to give
a whirl
I always give Kudos for penning in this
form~ Excellent!!!
Woot~
Thank You for sharing Your Talent
Best wishes in the contest
with love & light~ Desire~*~
-
you truly do have a great talent for your style of writing, its absolutely beautiful! have you ever tried rhyming, or free verse? I love rhyming, and i just started doing some in free verse, its fun to try! your very intelligent so I'm sure you would be great at it!
danny
-
-
Thank you so much, Danny.
Up until recently, I wrote almost all free verse and short forms like haiku and cinquains. I struggled tremendously with rhyme, but I have practiced that quite a bit, and I am very comfortable with it finally. English sonnets like this one (as well as any sonnets for that matter) have to rhyme, and that's the form I am focusing on a lot right now. Your comments on my poetry made my day.
-
-
Wow....I must say, you are a talented man. It would do me good to get in on some of these poetry classes they offer on here. This poem just rolls off of the tongue. I envy your talent Word Smith.
Adding your comment:
1 - 25 of 25
