by Gregg Rowe
after eight years
I had to contend with
beer bottles
decorating my apartment,
numerous liquor
board commission bills
look into your
brown chestnut eyes
decorated with red highways
from the alcohol
after eight years
you now have to contend with
clear plastic bottles
a mixture of
fruit loop pills
watch your younger self
decorated with bird tracks
red from the needles
after eight years
we both have to contend with
thoughts
of destroying our
human antibodies
through abuses
we were too
shy to admit
Author notes
I do not advocate suicide, this piece shows many other avenues of suicidal tendacies other than hanging, wrist-slashing, gun shot, this piece of writing shows the slow process of suicide through the use of alcohol and prescribed medications, a much slower and prolonging death.
At one point in my diagnosis, I was brainwashed to believe that I set myself purposely up to be raped and infected with HIV, a slow-suicide as my counsellor said, telling me that I did not want to live past a certain age because I was gay and purposely infected myself so I would die early. For awhile, because of my stress and the news, I started to believe her. It may not seem through my writing, but up until I was 40, because of my alcoholic stupor I was in, I was still pretty niave and was controlled by a lot of people. Now, I see things differently.
Written December 4th, 2001
In a list
A contest entry
- challenge.. by BrandNewColonyx3.
300 points, ended February 5, 2006, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Demons Inside by lestat666.
400 points, ended December 18, 2006, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow. Very vivid picture here! This is amazing! Your skill for imagery is amazing! I love the stanza's 1,2, and 3. Picture perfect and well written! Beautiful darling. This is truly on my favorites for this contest.
Amanda -
PLease allow a little longer to judge this. There were many many entries, and at the time, I do not have internet at home. In conjunction with the lack of internet, my grandmother has just passed away on Thursday, December 22, 2005. As you may imagine, I have a lack of interest in the computer at the moment. Still, I promise to thoroughly read every entry, and judge this contest fairly, even if there is a delay. Thank you all for your patience and effort in entering. I apologize for the delay.
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This all was very real to me. I myself am ashamed to admit that I have dabbled in the venue of Rx medications such as Percocet, Valium, Vicodin, etc., and none of it was worth it now that I look back. I am relieved to know that you now see things differently. I think that this poem definately gave insight to some other routes of suicide, other than wrist-slashing, or shooting yourself.
Stay inspired, and keep writing.
-BANG
{ Norah } -
Excellent
Gregg, I was delighted to read in your comments, that you woke up and now see thing differently. It is always sad that people in professional capacities don't always think before they speak. I found this poem excellent as showing other forms of self abuse. I am not perfect by anymeans, smoking between 20-30 cigarettes a day. (if I didnt smoke I would probably drink) such is the stress of everyday life...yes it makes me weak. I hold up my hands and confess
. This was an excellent write as usual Look forward to reading more from you 
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A powerful write. Shrinks are all they are cracked up to be, but I do know there are some excellent ones out there. The one I had to go to every Thursday after school for over 3 years was terrific.
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Thank goodness you got your senses together. It's scary what suggestions can do to one who is 'vulnerable.' by that I mean; I've been seen by psychiatrists since I was 16 for my disorder and it's really scary what some of them try to do. Like convince me that my father must have molested me as a child and all that crap. It's brainwash. Thankfully my current shrink is levelheaded and thinks on a reality based plane. Like what do we do to get better. Not what happened to make you so bad.
Great poem.. touched a nerve. Sorry to go off. Sometimes I can't help myself.
~Bezoar -
This is riveting and a very powerful piece, the comment aferwards really really got to me as well. That from a counselor..I think we should have him shot! honesty! grrr. Anyway, I don't want to get too lengthy on you here (cause ya know I can lol) This is another brilliant piece hun, speaks absolutely volumes within it and between the lines as well.
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Interesting point of view here. I agree, there are many ways of killing yourself that are not overt. I am glad you are not brainwahsed anymore. It makes me angry that your counselor would say that to you. No one gets raped on purpose (well, some people do, but that is a different thing, in my opinion). I love the poem. The background is cool too. Another awesome write.
~Tawnya~ -
First I must say that I just LOVE that background
Secondly as I'm always coming to find with you, is another amazing poem.... You've written one that I'm sure alot of people can relate too.. Including myself.. I think all survivors have enough guilt to carry and self blame for a psychiatrist even to add to that.... What a crappy one too it seems... I want to smack him upside the head..lol. This reminds me that I'm not near as destructive as I used to be... the old thoughts are always there though.... and sometimes I even slip.. I'm rambling... anywho, great piece poet! It was a tad sad, but uplifting as well...
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Best yet!
Wow, this poem is amazing! The best one so far...This is so good I don't even know what to say. Thank you so much for entering the contest, it really sucked untill now!
Leanna -
slow suicide...yes, hate to admit it, but i can understand that one. i'm glad you see things differently for yourself...
an excellent piece gregg
more food for thought
~liz -
I been of late drinking my sorrows away with tequilla in the moring, and jack daniels in the evening. My suicide is living every day in and day out looking at the person in the mirror with so many scars looking back at me like they are smiling at me.
Sorry, I can rambled up there. Anyway, This was powerful piece. Good luck in the contest, and I am sorry for the ramble up there.
-Allissia
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