Upon a scorching, love-sick day,
A maiden, fair, escaped her home,
For burning in her cheeks and chest,
Was passion left to fiercely roam,
Her dress was scarred an ashen black,
Her lips burned scarlet with loves touch,
Which lit her heart aflame in fear,
And kissed her neck with fiery lust,
Upon a dirty, dusty day,
A maiden fair had left her home,
And burns in fires frozen love,
Her scorching heart is all alone.
Author notes
Prompt:
Element: Fire, "As soon kindle fire with snow as seek to quench the fire of love with words"- Shakespeare
A contest entry
- Elemental Rounds Round 2 "Four Elements by Four Wills equals Sixteen poets!" by kerrypn.
825 points, ended September 9, 2009, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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A gold for this one dear....the flow, rhyme and drama in the lines make this a powerful read dear! Glad I chose this one to read tonight...Keep penning, you are gifted! M.
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Your words have a life of their own they are alive and they whisper more than the dictionary meaning they are supposed to portray .Thanks for sharing please continue to do the same , God bless...
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Fantastic, flawless metre. This carries your rhyme wonderfully. How fitting for a prompt by the bard. I thought this was a very intelligent and well thought out response because you have stayed true to the whole essence of who the prompt came from-the metre, rhyme,choice of language and the tragic love scene. I thought your repetition of certain words added to your rhythm too. This really is extremely well written.Sheer brilliance. Thank you so much for entering and best of luck in the contest.
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Aw.. perhaps she needs to go search further to thaw her heart
Great write!
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very nice poem you have entered here. i really like the title and how you carried that image thru the lines. good luck.
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couple tiny things:
cheecks --> cheeks
fearsly --> fiercely
scortching --> scorching
but. now the good:
the whole taking the first stanza (i assume that each 4 line rhyme pattern is a stanza, excuse me if i'm wrong ) and changing it to be the last stanza so it's like.. juxtaposed with different pretty pictures was yay 
Her dress was scarred an ashen black,
Her lips burned scarlet with loves touch,
Which lit her heart aflame in fear,
And kissed her neck with fiery lust
- the first two lines was like.. with the black and red it contrasted really well and the way you described the colours / how they were, was unique and awesome.
- third line = gave me chills. it was sort of like that little rush of adrenaline when your mom calls your name accusingly and you think you've done something wrong but haven't. yeah those little butterflies. it was cool
- last line the imagery was awesome. my favourite line. because. it just is nahh its cos the imagery was great; kissed her neck personified love's touch gorgeously (if that's a word)
aaaand... yeah again your rhyme amazes me because it's uncliche but still beautiful at the same time
sorry for the long comment-whoring. i'm bored and this is good
xx
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