Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Milk and cyanide

he always made her
think of fresh bread,
pancakes at dawn

and everything that was
"bad for you"

it wasn't until she found
mould on the crust
of store-bought smiles
that she realised

what saccharine meant.



Author notes

Prompt::
Masterbake

A contest entry

Honesty would be lovely

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • SpydurPoet gold member
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    Damn that was awesome. I loved this. How did this not win gold??
    Stunning.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~

  • Starsilence
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. It's very thought-provoking and you use colorful verbage. It feels like there should be more between the second and third stanzas, though.


  • Mango Memories gold member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    See!

    You managed.

    Not only to just write a poem.

    But stun me too.


    And, surprise, surprise. Materbake


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    August 22
    Edit | Reply
    amazingly amazing.


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    Oh now seriously this is gold if ever I saw it, I think some of these entries not yet finished have some work on their hands. I concede defeat. Fecking brilliant. best to you in the contest

  • ElectricBloom
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    ohh i like this =]
    the ending is fantastic,
    and you have amazing imagery throughout.
    excellent take on the prompt!

    ElectricBloom

1 - 6 of 6