Society binds us in strictures of steel,
but the strongest sometimes break their bonds.
Observing the young may work to reveal
if they’ll be knights, bishops, or pawns.
Sometimes Fate opens a door in their hearts,
and a path that lay hidden’s revealed;
or a secret which newfound knowledge imparts,
that some curve in the road had concealed.
The choice which every human must make,
whether or not it’s been planned --
may depend, in part, on the care that they take
while drawing their lines in the sand.
Which will they choose, when push comes to shove:
The love of power ... or the power of love?
Author notes
Metaphysics for the rhyme-master.
In a list
- A List: When only the best will do (and here they are) • next in list
- TO STUDY: rhythm/meter • next in list
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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A most profound piece constructed with much brilliance and wisdom.
Love the last two lines of this especially.
"Which will they choose, when push comes to shove:
The love of power ... or the power of love?"
A stunning sonnet. XD
- Dray
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I didn't even notice this rhymed my first time through, always a good sign in my opinion. The only thing I wondered about was the use of stricture, were you referring to criticism or did you mean structures of steel? Technically I think it could work either way.
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NO, actually ...
strictures could be interchangeable here with "bonds" or "bindings". Most people are so tied up or tied down with customs, habits, or usages of the particular cultures they live in that they are basically prisoners of that society. Few ever realize just how restrictive those bonds are, and even fewer rebel against them.
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I just love your thoughts in this, something I often do is look at younger generations and wonder how they will respond to adversities this world encounters and will we have given them enough to find their own opinions and not just the well worn ones we and others have churned out over the years. A fine write here
C
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Now there's a thought ...
and also fuel for your next poem.
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chuckles..hmmm you could have something there for sure
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Good luck with it.
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Thanks lol I wonder if "He" would mind some humor in it though??
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Well, my take on it ...
has always been that "He" has to be the greatest practical joker of all time -- so I would say not. -
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haha, I thought I actually might have been the only one who thought this way because I sometimes imagine he looks down on what may appear like a sitcom to him and just shake his head and chuckle...at least that way I can feel he understands where I come from sometimes too lol because if you didn't laugh at the stupidity of the human race sometimes, you'd go stark raving mad!
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Indubitably.
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I often wonder what the future may hold ...
for the generations that come after us. They certainly will have a terrible amount of trouble to deal with, since it seems as though all we do is make things worse with each passing year.
However, I don't worry about it. I won't be here so whatever happens won't affect me anyway. Hopefully they will be a little wiser than we and will manage things better than we have. One can hope, at least.
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lol I doubt any of us will be here to see change that matters, but if it happens perhaps upstairs will have a live news feed
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A beautifully constructed poem with words of wisdom for all of us. We do face choices all our lives and will have to accept the consequences of those choices one day.
Wonderful wise words.
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I have come to love this form. and to see it so well performed is a treat indeed. Choices are not just for grown-ups they are part of our chemistry right from our beginning. I liked the opening line... so true and the closing lines reminds me a little of the Shakesperian era poets.
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Thank-you very much for entering such a thoughtful sonnet in the contest, and for calling me a rhymemaster
All the best in the judging
Jeff
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Very philosophical and introspective about life, society, growing up, and fate. The poem is enriched with wonderful images and allusions.
Debs
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I actually loved it. I love chess so I smiled reading the line you referred to in this. You also tied it up so well in the end. Very impressive.
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An elegant and deserving sonnet! Good luck in the contest!
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Ooooo....
LOVE those last lines:
"The choice which every human must make,
whether or not it’s been planned --
may depend, in part, on the care that they take
while drawing their line in the sand.
Which will they choose, when push comes to shove:
The love of power ... or the power of love?"
Stunning, Profound. Those lines ring like the deep tones of a bell through my being. Excellently phrased, although did I count unusual numbers of syllables in those lines? The flow of the rhythm and meter works so well, though, that I had to go back and count. I knew right away something was different, but it didn't seem "off." That's when I know I'm reading a poem and not just a technically perfect construction of words.
Very nice job! I like this one alot.
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I'm tone-deaf ...
so I can't hear the stresses in the words, which makes it impossible for me to write in iambic pentameter. However, I think my sonnets usually work well enough without it.
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Ah, thanks for sharing that.
Your rhythm definitely works "well enough," though. I suspect you have some way of "feeling" the stresses or tones of words in a way that is not auditory. I "feel" the words [e.g., kinesthetically] inside my body/experience/emotions in a way I've heard described by (1) musicians, and (2) deaf persons.
I wonder if it is the same way for you. And/or what other ways you may use to key into the distinctions among the sounds and meaning tones of words and syllables such that you can construct such engaging rhythms.
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OooO, very profound. I really enjoyed reading this, beautifully written and simply amazing. Thanks for sharing!
x
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which will they choose indeed...and now it is revealed that sometimes words of deep wisdom can be written of scrawls in the sand...excellent...PK
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Deeply prophetic and well formed poetry . Smoothness in rhythm and subtile but sure rhyme. The kicker last two lines
sum it up very well indeed!
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intriguing meter combinations, you may have a 'foot up' over the usual iambic pentameters with a jaded sonnet judge... and you've got me seeing all kinds of meter possibilities now (because I do like my rhythm variations)... I'll have to jot one down here while my imagination is hot...
iamb-anapest-anapest-anapest
anapest-anapest-pyrrhus-trochee
pyrrhus-cretic-iamb-iamb
dactyl-dactyl-trochee-iamb
iamb-iamb-iamb-iamb
whatever the combination, each stanza would be identical, until monotony threatened, then a bright variation...
well, you may have sent me off into structured meter variations land for a while... (and I was searching for a new venue...)
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Mille fois merci ...
my fondest wish is to give one of those "jaded sonnet judges" a stroke. I've been trying for years. It would be such a sweet pay-back for all the grief they've given me over the years. -
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Justplainwaynethen:
*Scribbling notes furiously...*
I'm hot on your trail. I simply LOVE doing and observing artists successfully bending the rules!
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