Serenity

His hand raked through her hair, making the silver pieces laced through the braids tinkle together in a whispery little waterfall of music. The sound was almost loud in the near silence of their room, a mere cubicle in comparison to some of the other domiciles housed in Castle Aodhain. It held the bunk—so small that they had to sleep pressed together on their sides to share it—and a rough-hewn armoire for their weapons and armor. Neither had enough money for extra clothing or frivolities; they were lucky enough to have a place in Lord Ermanric’s retinue.

He fisted his hand in the silky black tresses, drawing her closer to press his mouth to hers. His sharp fangs prickled at her lip when he murmured, “Use me, Mon Coeur. Whatever you want.” The licentious command was followed by his husky laugh and a deep kiss.

“Whatever you want.”

Taegan’s eyes came open, her hand immediately reaching behind her where Randulfr’s body should be—and wasn’t. Dead, she reminded herself; he was dead and had been for almost six months. Fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from her wide, green eyes, she rolled out of the bunk and paced the room stark naked, uncaring that it was cold enough to make her skin tighten into little bumps.  Her body was on fire from the remembered dream, a constant mocking reminder of her last night with Rand. Gods, how she missed him!

Bracing her hands on the stone window sill, she threw the shutters wide and breathed in the pre-dawn air in great gulps. She couldn’t believe she had been without his touch, his voice, his love. Cursing, she abandoned the window and hurriedly dressed, the cold finally making its unwelcome touch known.

The black tunic settled over her muscled frame, the long sleeves hiding the fact that she was far from femininely slim. She could swing a broad sword better than most men, and so her biceps were always apparent if left uncovered. In her line of work—seduction—that was unacceptable. A leather vest topped the tunic, fitted tightly to push her breasts up to best display. She next pulled on her matching leather breeches, tucking the tunic into the band before lacing them up. She forewent the boots for the time being, snatching her opium pipe from the armoire before collapsing back onto the bed. A half-smoked sticky ball of the tar-like substance was still in its depths, and she lit it without hesitation, inhaling deeply.

Letting the hazy numbness fill her lungs, she leaned back at her ease, floating in and out of reality. She just wanted to forget for a while. It felt so good to forget the gaping hole that maimed her heart and her life. Without Rand she was nothing, just a common tavern tramp playing at mercenary; a common tavern tramp with a habit.

She slowly looked down at the pipe gripped loosely in her hand, laughing as her vision swam. The opium was destroying her in the worst way and she welcomed it. She wanted nothing more than to slip away into one of her drug trances and never wake up. But life would never be that accommodating, not for someone like her.

A sigh escaped her, slipping from between her lips in a quiet hiss. She was too tired to deal with reality; there wasn’t even a reason to get out of bed anymore. Curling into the fetal position on the tiny bunk, she pulled the pipe to her chest and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to claim her again. She just wanted it all to end, but forgetting for a few hours would be enough to see her through another day.

A single tear broke the seal of her eyelids, slowly inching its way down her cheek. She concentrated on the feeling of sorrow creeping across the fine hairs on her face, noting how much it tickled…and just how little she cared. Before the drop had made its way into the blankets, she felt herself get fuzzy around the edges and fell away into the opium trance. She finally found some measure of peace; never mind the fact that it was only temporary serenity. The sun would dawn on a new day and every one of her awful memories would crawl back into her mind to haunt her…but not now. No, forgetting for a few hours would never be enough…but it was all she had.