with spawning over
dying salmon float downstream
hungry seagulls feast
Author notes
"downstream"
A contest entry
- Haiku with Cutting Words by SteveS.
1200 points, ended September 2, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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i like this it leaves me thinking about the seagulls and where they go after there done eating their prey. any ways i like it good job hun.
xoxo ellie
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I like your fresh choice of imagery in this haiku, and agree with Steve's comment about your delicate seasonal reference. Aesthetically, I wonder whether 'spawning completed' would read better than 'with spawning over', but the only way to test that would be to make the change, and then return to it days later and see whether the poem is crying to be restored. As the poem is your offspring, you are the one best qualified to do that test!
I have tried to send some clappies, but for some reason they won't go through. -
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I understand what you're saying. For me, I prefer it as it is written. I think "completed" has a hard sound to it (long E, hard T, hard D) which doesn't have the same flow as soft "with" soft "ver"... I don't know. It's a zen thing, I guess. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
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In nature, nothing goes to waste - which is as it should be...
Look at me now
No doubt I will be no more -
One day, I'll be gone
I love haiku poetry. To me, it is a window to something much deeper... often touching on everything but the words themselves. Japanese poets like Basho and Onitsuro speak to us clearly across the centuries, because their thoughts have been reduced to a few simple words that convey a powerful image. Through these poems we can identify with the feelings and attitudes of a much earlier time and apply it to our modern, everyday lives.Only you could render such tragic beauty in the great circle of life...
Good luck in the contest.
~ c♥
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thats depressing, guess the seagulls are happy though
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Oh ok I understand. Sounds like lunch to me too. If I were a bird on this day
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Wow! What a write in a Haiku. Such a clear image, so profound in thought. A statement about the fragility of life, the cycle coming to a close.
I love this. But I always love your poetry when you decide to grace us with it. 
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great picture the haiku is a fun little excercise of the imagination, because if you dont get it then you are left with a few words on a pulsing screen, but if you do it well you get a window into somewhere else for a moment. Being from Alaska I can really just imagine this scene along with the subtle background it implies, the heritage of the salmon. anyways hopefully I will be on more often in the coming days, I have been experiencing writers block for a long while and havent been on.
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Hmmm, this is very good. Intrinsic to this form is loose reference to societal or what would be considered human issues. I find myself enjoying varied interpretations here. I like the delicate seasonal reference, which I find more poetic that the use of the word "summer" etc. ...ironically, I had used "summer" in my example Very good entry.
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Thank you for the kind words. I am curious about your mention of societal or human issues being intrinsic to the form. Being a fan of Basho's work, I can't say that he followed that so often...
"Lady butterfly
perfumes wings by floating
over the orchid"
--Basho -
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Great question regarding societal or human issues. Anyone can see the appeal of nature's beauty in Basho’s work, yet it also has an affective content for a culture that he both analyzed and instructs through his poetry. The appearance of the universal appears to manifest itself only in the particular. The particular itself is mysterious, and not so easily seen to represent a societal issue. In the best haiku it is the mystery of the particular, that is its essence. More frank references are made in contemporary haiku. For example, a poem by Alenka Zorman...
Independence Day.
In the warm wind my scarf
touches a stranger.
seems to touch on liberation and humanity. The mention of a holiday which is celebrated more directly identifies the notion of liberation. So very subtle, yet profoundly intrinsic to complex societal ideals. Of course, more traditional haiku will draw an image connected to natural cycles or recurring human events using non-human references, where the connection to anything social, political etc are almost unreadable, but with forethought of this understanding may reveal themselves to the reader.
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