Fear of living
And of dealing
The answers
To my prayers
Used to come
In a little bag
Wasting away
In a life of decay
Was easier than
Facing reality
The responsibilities I pawned
The hearts that I broke
All went up in a puff of smoke
Or into a vein
As I watched
It all fade away
Not caring that
My life was a mess
As long as my mind
And body were at 'rest'
But now that haze is gone
And I realize what
I knew all along
That I'm sick and scared
Feeling not worthy to be spared
As I fight this battle
Against my disease
Sometimes it would feel better
Just to put my mind at ease
But then the monster has won
And it all goes back
To square one
This battle comes from
All sides and right now
I'm struggling with
Just one
How to get out
From under the scorching, spitting sun
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!
WAY TO WRITE....
now this is a poem
EVERYONE will REMEMBER
Bold and gutsy poet are you!
How refreshing!
and I hear ya.....
I HATE PUPPET STRINGS TOO...
and that's how I felt
learning how to recover!
Artistic you are too!
Wonderful....keep up the
great writing!
ears/seattle.
-
BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!
WAY TO WRITE....
now this is a poem
EVERYONE will REMEMBER
Bold and gutsy poet are you!
How refreshing!
and I hear ya.....
I HATE PUPPET STRINGS TOO...
and that's how I felt
learning how to recover!
Artistic you are too!
Wonderful....keep up the
great writing!
ears/seattle.
-
Pretty good. The flow does seem a bit forced, and not entirely syllabically coherent. The imagery, on the other hand, is astounding. Your use of adjectives and vague references to an inner battle makes it a very engaging, dark piece of poetry. Overall, well penned.
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I think this is good overall. Some of your rhymes seem somewhat forced, and it seems as though you were trying to just make sure it flowed well rather than saying what you wanted to say. I may be wrong though. I love your ending line, the imagery is fanastic. I also love the line, "the monster has won". You have some great imagery. This is extremely dark, and I love dark poetry. Keep it up, I'd love to read more of your writing in the future!
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You have good start. Good luck finishing.
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