with shaking hands and bony arms she fell to the floor, finally defeated. conquered by the enemy, rejected by her once followers, she bleeds alone, submerged in a pool of lucid nightmares.
'i want to be with you forever' he whispered
she looked him in the eyes, 'how long is forever? And what happens when it ends?'
'why can't you let any story have a happy ending?'
because you took mine...
she's falling into puddles of disheartenment as the earth consumes her soul, but he always seems to reach his hand out in the most daunting ways. she tries to speak, but she chokes on all her screams because there's just too much fucking quicksand in her mouth.
obliterate me baby;; destroy me
she smokes another round while talking to the voices in her head because everybody else is too far away to hear. truth is, all of their words are drowned out by the screeching sound of a heart dying.
it's that very sound that sings her to sleep when she's laying on the curb of some broken down road because she can't remember who she is or how she got there or which direction home.
Author notes
i really was the problem all along
Comments
-
this is fucking incredible. i was holding my breath through this entire piece. the only thing was the ending- maybe take out the last line- and space out the last paragraph. like-
"it's that very sound that sings her to sleep when she's laying on the curb of some broken down road because she can't remember who she is or how she got there or which direction home is from here." --space that line down away from the paragraph- and make that the ending- but maybe try "or which direction is home" because saying "there" and "here" so close together kind of makes it rambling in a bad way.
props on the author note, that gives it something more.
-
-
thanks so much, i really appreciate your criticism
-
Adding your comment:
