we name our common faith
on the uncertainty of the wind,
count hollow boned birds
aloft in migration
and wonder if time can
be measured in wingspans
A contest entry
- endless by Connor Blackbird.
700 points, ended August 21, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critical comments welcomed and encouraged
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
good stuff
That would have been a tough contest to judge - agree that this works well in the present tense - far as I'm concerned, almost everything works better present tense, though.
Trophies and such are rewarding but nothing compares with the feeling you get when your patience while waiting for the perfect word pays off, right.
The last two lines resolve the poem, the idea of it, perfectly, I think.
I'll be measuring in wingspans for days.
given a choice between Gold and While We Wait For The Rapture, I'd take the poem
Congratulations.
-
-
Thank you for your kind words--they really made my morning. Just as a side note, I only enter contests because of the inspiration. If a trophy comes out of it, that is icing. I don't really care if the poem itself places or not, as long as I learn something from the process (as you see, I refuse to put any trophies on my page...)
Thank you again
-
-
your best work to date.. wonderful poem..
don't know that judge.. but he was smoking crack when he judged this... this would have been gold in any contest...
-
I liked this before, but I love it in present tense - it feels perfectly "in the moment" this way. I commend Al for his excellent suggestion and I commend you for having the beautiful humility to listen to him. Well done. I really love this!
This is poetry.
-
"if time can
be measured in wingspans "
i love this, your voice is lovely.
-
-
thank you very much, tara
-
-
this is wonderful, one of the best openings i've read in a while and wish i wrote it instead because i am like that...
i can see this in the present tense as well, but past or present a really fine piece
al
-
-
thank you, al--i may change this to present tense--it makes more sense that way, doesn't it
-
-
I love those first two lines. Something I can definitely relate to the last little while...great poem. best of luck in the contest
-
-
Thank you very much
-
-
Postscript: looking at the title in more depth actually made me think I was wrong - I'm still not sure this is your most elegant piece, but I realize belatedly that I did not give this piece enough credit for its many layers of meaning. I will be mulling this one over for the night... thanks again
-
Your abilities both to turn a phrase and to write magnificent imagery are at their usual impeccable high. I will agree somewhat, though, with what you said about this being less than your best. It feels just the slightest bit forced, although that could be my imagination - there's an odd kind of disjoint between each stanza that I can't really articulate, but it feels different from your usual poetry. Your poems are so frequently unforgettable that you must be getting tired of hearing it, but I hesitate to say that this was so as well. Still, thanks so much for your entry... I will never tire of reading your work
-
-
Thank you for the critique--I have change this a little bit from past to present tense, and I think I like it a little better now...
You always have such nice things to say about what I write, and I appreciate that. -
-
Oh, hardly. Take some responsibility for your own talent
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
