The beginning---
A quick breath of air, and I am okay again.
Calm and cool as a mid-summer breeze,
I wander as I correct the pieces on the floor
that were lost or out of place.
Nothing should be out of place.
Day one---
My fingers brushed over an old photograph
of myself as a child.
I could feel its energy conducting my mind
as I picked it up.
The tongues my old self spoke in were quite odd.
I could see my own eyes, glaring, staring
while an eleven year-old me spoke obscenities under her breath.
“Not tonight.” I responded wordlessly
as I set the picture in its rightful place.
(Not tonight? It’s never tonight. It’s never tomorrow either....)
Day two---
After gently half-straightening the sheets,
I sat down for a quick glance at my sorry excuse for a reality.
My eyes focused and I scoped out the room,
taking in all the information my brain could encounter.
The floor, the window, the ceiling, the walls
were all florescent, with red and blue outlines
that seemed to be gazing at me from the distance.
I could feel the growing sensation
of my thoughts no longer being internal.
Ten years earlier---
I innocently looked up at a nearby spider web,
woven flawlessly.
I destroyed it.
Day three---
I closed my eyes in the shower,
picturing a rain cloud just above my face.
It had eyes of its own, and I told it about all of the hardships
I had survived. It was willing to listen,
and welcomed me into its arms.
I was grateful for the solace,
and when I was finished,
the fog on my mirror reminded me
of its existence.
Everything was as quiet and radiant
as the stars being watched from earth.
Everything was just fine.
Day four---
There were puddles on the carpet.
An off-white or beige colored liquid
that my foot accidentally splashed in.
I didn’t leave a mark or trace,
but thought it might be satisfied
with an apology.
Day five---
I couldn’t look at colors any longer.
Their intensity was sharp enough to slit my throat.
Blue and green ran together, creating an ocean.
The waves crashed into me, but I held my head high
above the water, not breaking stride.
I am fine. I am me.
Let me be.
Day six---
I tried to coax my dripping right hand into coloring,
but it wasn’t in the mood.
I told it that everything would be okay,
and everything was.
There was nothing wrong.
Everyone falls asleep to ringing echoes
of the surrounding fractions of beings,
stationed forever,
inside one room.
Day seven---
My cloud had passed the mirror again.
It must have stopped by to say hello.
I looked into the fog and swiped it with my finger.
Liquid embraced my hand
as I slid it downward.
The fog was out of place.
Nothing should be out of place.
Day eight---
Is there a line between being conscious and unconscious?
I think I might have jumped its tall fence tonight,
but I am not quite sure.
All I do know is that the sound of a raging fire
has never been so profound
while scraping the closest wall
trying to get out of a room
filled with only air.
No need to panic. Everything was okay.
Day nine---
My eleven year-old self no longer relies on me.
It found out I wasn’t okay.
I got discovered.
I tried to scribble words onto paper,
to apologize to my own image
but the lines ganged up on my hand to lacerate my skin
to the bone.
Day ten---
I am not busy. I have no excuses.
What is existance? Is it nothing more than a state of being,
or feeling, inside a box of reality?
Where is reality? Is it even a place I have found
or have yet to find?
What if reality no longer exists?
It must be lost or out of place.
Nothing should be out of place.
The ending---
Am I out of place?
Author notes
Finished August 20, 2009....
Every day when I would come home high or out of it, I would write a snipit of what I did that day. I put them all together and added a beginning and ending, along with a few other things. This is what it's like to be stoned and schizophrenic, I guess.
A contest entry
- Disorders!! Check it out :] by MyZeroForever.
400 points, ended September 13, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me The Scoop Of Madness!!!! by lesbian-in-love.
400 points, ended October 3, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Drug/Drug Rehab Experiences by PrettyRagDoll.
400 points, ended October 6, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Freeverse Only. [PW's Allowed] by OurxBeginning.
400 points, ended October 14, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
PLEASE be HONEST when commenting my writing. Tell me I SUCK, if that's what you think.
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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I think this is so powerful. I know these feelings you described. Life can be such a mess at times. The black and white start to mix.. and all you have is gray. Sucks. This was very striking. I liked the repitition. Well done and thanks for entering.
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I liked the repetition of "nothing should be out of place" because it tied the entire poem together, especially with the last line. Honestly? You were probably out of place... stoned and schitzophrenic cannot be, as you showed the reader, a very stable place. I actually really liked how you gave snipets, but it would have just been jumbled if it weren't for your format of "Day one" etc. You have a talent for detail and provide impressive imagery. Thank you for entering my contest.
-PrettyRagDoll -
This was good. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.!
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Interesting....
I enjoyed this, revealing your thoughts and questioning your own sanity sometimes.
This is a different style I'm use to reading but I did enjoy this...
Elmarie
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This inspired me.
I loved how you wrote it and how it was not forced.
This is by far my favorite piece.
I don't know what else to say, you nailed it.
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This is probably, truthfully, the most powerful thing I've ever read. I find myself writing things like this sometimes. I can feel your pain and anxiety...I've gotten lost in it, and that's what I love the most.
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This is a poem that made me think. Exactly what I'm thinking, I'm not too sure... but it is still making me think.
I got the impression of someone who was in an institution... perhaps an asylum. It seemed like someone who had retreated into themselves... and after a long while starts coming back out, and is only beginning to notice things again. Or someone that is insane, and the fragmented thoughts that are in their heads... kind of showing what they are thinking, feeling... what it's like to be inside the mind of someone who's mind isn't all there. The flow here was extremely fragmented, but in this case, that's not a bad thing. It actually enhanced the overall theme of the piece. I like it. It intrigued me.
There are a couple of places that may have been typos, or gramatical switches, that, if they were corrected, might strengthen the overall flow of this piece...
'My fingers brushed over all old photograph
of myself as a child.
I could feel its energy conducting my mind
as I picked it up.'
Is this supposed to be 'an old photograph'? Or 'all the old photographs'?
If it's supposed to be the first, then obviously you need to switch all, for an. If it's the second, then in the next line it should be I could feel THEIR energy conducting my mind as I picked THEM up. Makes those lines more cohesive. Then again, with 'the picture in it's rightful place' would be 'the pictures in their rightful place(s). I think that's the only 'flaw' I saw here.
Overall, this poem is very strange.... Good, but strange! I liked it very much
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This poem is about insanity, pretty much. I'm glad you like it. Thanks for pointing out my typing error! I double-checked, and didn't even see that!
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bravo these lines are great
Ten years earlier---
I innocently looked up at a nearby spider web,
woven flawlessly.
I destroyed it.
best of luck in the contest
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I found this really fragmented but I think that was kind of the point. It has a strange sort of urgency to it, but at the same time a hopelessness. Like the small things become huge, and the big things become too fantastical to seem real. Or at least thats how I read it.
Slightly confusing to read, but all the better for it
Pink x
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nice finish....i gotta say dat dis was more like a story rather than a poem, just no pages to turn....i enjoyed reading dis...gotta say its really good...way ta go
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Beautiful stanza this one:
I loved it:
The tongues my old self spoke in were quite odd.
I could see my own eyes, glaring, staring
while an eleven year-old me spoke obscenities under her breath.
“Not tonight.” I responded wordlessly
as I set the picture in its rightful place.
can you visit me and see if I do make some impact somewhere in the same vein? -
Rather obscure, there is no, let's say. general theme, in essence it is as much a diary, as anything accounting the passing of days would be, but it is more than that, it is personal, and that is what makes it special, it is vivid, it is detailed, and revealing. The flow, and the rhyme aren't always, easy to spot, sometimes inexistent, but that doesn't matter, it is the complete work, that gives the sense of beauty, not it's intricate parts. Lovely poem overall.
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The rhyme? There is no rhyme, dude. This is a freeverse piece.
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Terribly sorry, didn't realise that it was a freeverse, it didn't say anywhere it was, so I am off the proverbial hook. But I still like the poem a lot, and I stick by my original comment. Not because it's right, just because I'm stubborn
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uhm.... usually, if a poem doesnt' have a set rhyme and meter it is automatically considered free verse. It shouldn't have to be stated as such, it's understood
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I liked your writing. It was confusing and didn't seem to always flow, but I understand it better after reading the author notes. I think it works for this poem. It felt like this story was meant to be told in prose, but there is nothing wrong with that. It conveys strong emotion and I think that is what lies at the heart of poetry for me. Great job!
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hm....this really was different. very powerful, i feel. i like how you took your days and mashed them into a creation. very deliberate, if thats the right word. everything seems jumbled and confused and just overwhelming, and thats what i liked about it. its a lot of emotion in easy access. =)) very well written
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Awesome write! You've perfectly captured the neurotic ways of a drug addict and someone with mild pyschosis, good job.
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You should compose another one of these type of writings and enter it in my contest. http://allpoetry.com/contest/2457461
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Mmm, I liked the idea and the general feeling behind this, As noted..
and I Really like how its kinda like a journal of all these events that had happened, and that are happening.. I think is very long, but in good taste and it makes a lot of scene and really drives your point home.
Great work, Poet. I want to read more.
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this is extremly interesting to read. throughout the whole poem, i never thought even once that you wrote all these different days and put them together. it just seemed like your thoughts of life wrote out. creative and brilliant.
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Wow. That was quite a journey. The imagery was intense. My favorite part would have to be day 3, with the shower/raincloud metaphore. I also like the comparison with the your eleven year-old self. It adds a layer of complexity.
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Nice
This was a really interesting read and I thouroughly enjoyed the journey you took me on. The woes of growing up are a far cry from how we viewed the world when we were young. This is wonderfully written and keeps the readers interest as well as engaging their mind. It's ever so creative and an absolutely wonderful job. Nice work
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wow dude I liked this piece alot! It reminded of something that sylvia plath would write; read her book, The Bell Jar. This poem doesn't suck; it's just interesting. For me, it's about you comparing your life and your troubles as an eleven year old and your life today. Realizing the differences and yet maybe there are things in your life that still remain as troublesome now as they were then in your youth? Good job with this poem by the way.
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I think you have uniquely constructed a wonderful written piece of what your life was like for you. As the reader we really step into the write and that's always a real treat! The speaking of your eleven year old self I can relate to as failing my own young self in the end wishing I had remember to stay true to myself as I did back then I've always wondered what happens to the brain as we turn into adults! And I agree things should never be out place and as hard as I try they always seem to get out of place driving me bonkers! Nicely done very creative
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I thought this was very creative and amazing. A different look into a life of someone is always a good thing. I don't think you sucked, and you have amazing talent...
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Amazing
Every paragraph I can realate to it is almost like I have been there before and I really like how you express things so vividly it takes me back to not too long agao when I have felt the same.....Nice wording and imagery I give many kudos not many people can express themselves like that
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Life is an experience and we all see it in our own way, I see it in shades and hues from dark blue to fire red passing in between the fields of amber and gold from time to time.
All I can say is it is interesting to see how a ming could work at times, I never did string out so many days of being wasted one after another so I guess I will never be able to put a begining and an end to frame out this miserable thing called life.
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