She had been slowly killing me like all those butters that claim they are trans fatless buts have an ingredient list blanketed in lies taking form of hydrogenated oils, silently choking out my heart’s ability to circulate through my arteries. If I knew it or not I was helpless to invite her to many areas of my diet; for nothing tasted quite right if she was not involved.
Its just I get this peculiar feeling like every inch of the skin on my bare back has just been glued to a sun-soaked leather car seat; the surface of me burning and a warm sensation chasing me all the way to my bones
every time I see you
and resting anywhere else now seems plain and ordinary. Today reminded me of a computer monitor being watched through a television set as I painted your neighbors house under a burning summer sun, and each stroke forced me to focus on division and making clean cuts all the more. She is the most brilliant lamp post, illuminating a narrow walk with a beautiful view standing solemnly in the daylight.
We found out later that warnings were written in the license plates of all the fancy cars passing by, but I was too consumed with the buttons of your dashboard to notice.
But after crawling from the vicious wreckage onto the hot asphalt that smelled of burnt rubber and was littered with metallic carnage, the sound of sirens and voices of the witnesses were like foreign tongues chanting in my dazed brain but those obvious license plate pleas made so much sense now.
I will testify that regret is a bargain buy from Webster’s Dictionary and isn’t the right word but will work for now.
What did you think
Comments
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Your writing is really complex, I love it. You've got some beautifully intricate turns of phrase which make it very effective. Good stuff! :
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very descriptive x
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I don't know what to say and to comment... You have an applaud from me!
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Hmmm I think the imagery like most here have commented is amazing, well done!
Ok at first I thought that you had been in a road accident but somehow this didn't sit right in my mind considering the imagery used so after reflection I came to think that the wreckage was left behind after the relationship broke down. Now this I can truly relate to!
A very clever piece of writing
Cherry
xxx
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this is wierd, but i liked it, it kept me reading from the start to the end, take care
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I like the title a lot and it was the reason I clicked on the poem.
I really liked the opening sentence, and this piece kept on strong from there to the very last line. Nice write.
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Interesting
I have to say I don't understand, certainly first and last the subjects are different.
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I love your imagery, your form, and the story you're telling. The way you break it up works so well, and that last paragraph (stanza?) really worked for me. I like unconventional comparisons, I suppose. Lovely work.
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Excellent
'tis a rather different write; I don't quite know what to make of it. I think I may revisit it in the future, perhaps, however, thanks for sharing this one. -
Paragraph three
I believed remarkable. Your imagery sings. Overaall I appreciate this type of metaphoric muse because, for one thing, I understand it. Two, it made me smile. When I can smile at a write, it means I've very much enjoyed what I am reading. Good stuff poet.
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Well for one thing, it is chock full of imagery, metaphors and similes alike, and lucky for you, I happen to be a huge fan of imagery of all forms, especially those. The lines that especially stuck with me were these:
"ts just I get this peculiar feeling like every inch of the skin on my bare back has just been glued to a sun-soaked leather car seat; the surface of me burning and a warm sensation chasing me all the way to my bones"
The imagery here was especially intense to me for some reason. I could actually picture the sensation projected, and likewise the sensation (and forgive me if I missed the point) of needing someone, admiring someone and yet, deep-down instinctively knowing how terrible they are for you, and no matter how many obvious blatant warning-signs run by you in slow-motion, you get sideswiped by that same admiration, or obsession that will only drag you down and destroy you. But, hindsight's twenty-twenty, and like you said, "regret is a bargain buy from Webster’s Dictionary" difficult to use, and yet, too easy not to.
I like how this was written. Perhaps since I have a rambling nature, it didn't confuse me, then again, I could have missed your point completely. I still enjoyed the imagery immensely. Well done.
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Well, yer in for fun, so I'm gonna withhold everything but whether or not I like it. . . The short answer is it was nice, a tad confusing but nice. As it doesn't try for any kind of form there no simple way to comment on that either so I'll just say that it was an intriguing read and worth it.
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i'm interested in your feedback to be blunt; its why it was posted.
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