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Cocoon

He screams,
the malignant chrysalis in his veins
extends hooked barbs,
capturing arteries.

Blood boils and flows
through the serrated gills
of his unholy parasite.

His pupils dilate into black pools,
mirroring the monster inside.
His transparent irises
serve as windows into his disease.

Their hearts match beats,
and the pulpy organs bleed brackish fluid,
the water of the River Styx.

The demon blooms inside its cocoon of flesh,
laughing manically as it bursts
from its meaty prison.

Author notes

This is demon possession.

What do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    very gruesome. and cool. very nicely done and tied together. thank you for entering and good lucki nthe contest hope to see you in the next round


  • Kastor
    August 21

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, and you can see them fighting when one pupil is bigger than the other one. Your poem reminds me of something else but it would still be just as badass if it didn't.

    "The demon blooms inside it's cocoon of flesh,
    laughing manically"

    manically not maniacally but maniacally because of it's manic outburst at that point. Your word choice is fantastic, no, realistic; but realistic doesn't usually carry the same emotion and weight as fantastic. Shit, fantastically realistic. Now I'm just getting stupid. Hey, you're awesome.

    "The demon blooms inside it's cocoon of flesh,
    laughing manically as it bursts
    from it's meaty prison."

    I get this and it's my favorite, the barbs had me until the eyes came and then the bloom . . . This whole thing is my favorite but I'm a little off you know? The thing is, "meaty prison" is so real and avoids "fleshy cage" like the trite claptrap it is. At the same time as "meaty prison" is the right thing to say it's funny to me, especially when I say it out loud. So I said it out loud and laughed a little, and my friend laughed a little, and I thought it was even more perfect a placement than I thought at first. Well, because it's like: Whomp! Silly giggler, you're looking from the demons eye, what are you?

    Ok, so you caught me liking something you wrote again. I'll shut up now.


    • Miss Macabre silver member
      August 23
      Edit | Reply
      Lol. Your comments are so fun to read. And I have to admit, meaty prison makes me giggle a little too. But it seems perfect, for when I think of meat, I think of the raw red muscle and gore, but flesh just makes me think of skin. Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed.


  • Rick Weston silver member
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    nice writing with vivid imagery. your forth stanza stands out in my read. good poem.


  • redmoonnrizing silver member
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    OH YEAH!!!! And you said your muse ran away??? The imagery of the "chrysalis" hooked me from the second line. Darkly creative and Brilliant!!!

    BRAVA!!!!

    • Miss Macabre silver member
      August 20
      Edit | Reply
      Yea, it was gone for an hour at least. Glad you enjoyed! When I host contests, I have to write something I deem worthy of gold for my own contest. It's weird, lol.

1 - 7 of 7