on the train
water in the glass
is still
In a list
A contest entry
- Contemporary Haiku by Harrisham Minhas.
600 points, ended August 30, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Marv!
An image that can be seen easily & leaves much to the imagination at the same time. I'm a 'trad' Haiku writer & have to be able to learn to branch out a bit. I failed to note that this contest was 'contemp' and that it just had to be under 17 syl.
Thanks for this great example of 'contemp' Haiku. Congrats on your trophy. 
If I'd had written this I'd have left out 'the'. It would have a more potent impact IMHO. That's just me. I can't use what I've been taught are 'filler' adjectives. Old habits die hard. 
Especially for me! 
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Kathleen, I think it would have sounded stilted without the definite article, and therefore less potent impact. That's the trouble with the "taught" way of writing haiku - it has no natural flow. We think that because there are no articles in Japanese, that we must write without them in English. Nonsense! And they are not fillers either.
In haiku, what must be conveyed is the moment, and the transient emotion of the moment. A jerk from un-natural, flow-less language takes away from that, and interrupts the process of communication between the poet and the reader. To me that becomes thunderingly bad haiku, sacrificing the essence for the form.
Just to confirm what I am saying, I have got from my shelf the British Museum book HAIKU, edited by David Cobb (founder member of the British Haiku Society). There are translations of Japanese originals in this book, collected by DC, and checked for their validity by Sakaguchi Akiko. There are poems by haijin such as Bashō, Chigetsu, Chiyo-Ni, and so on, and in almost every case the English translation includes definite and indefinite articles.
The discipline of the haiku does not rest in the form itself, but the appreciation of mono no aware, immediacy, the enlightenment of the moment. All this is essential before we even consider how many syllables, and whether to omit or include this word or that; concentrating on the latter loses the moment.
Anyhow, I am glad you liked the poem. I am hoping to publish a chapbook of "zen" poetry soon.
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Thank you
so much dear one! I'm brain injured & more than a bit 'thick in the head' when it comes to discerning the 'accurate' knowledge of this form. 
There are so many 'morphs' and interpretations that I've been shown it's like finding my way through a Giant Maze of poetry forms 'do & don'ts! I agree with what you're saying. I appreciate your elucidation in the matter & obviously I've a lot to learn. I've not read the English trans. of the Haiku Greats you've mentioned. I'm sure that would enlighten me. I hope so anyway. 
One never knows with this brain of mine. 
What's a chapbook? Never heard of that one before. You are a wealth of knowledge to me. Your sincerity & humble charity shine trough. It takes a strong person to be gentle! 
Yippee. I love to learn & be taught by dear ones like you. Can you tell I love emoticons????? 
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*fighting my way through the emoticons...
A chapbook is kinda like a pamphlet, but specifically of poetry.
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Ah....
You inspired a PsychKu. I'll have to post it & send you the link! You've a great sense of humor dear one. I love that icon of yours. It speaks of how I experience your heart.
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Looking forward to it!
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This has a hum to it - a transporting buzz that wanders with your mind. I like the stillness, and the viewer (speaker) is trying to fall into that same place. There is also a series of containments - when you find your space, you are still.
All nice
Congratulations on the silver!
Marlene
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You have it exactly, Marlene
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most beautiful, congrats on winning
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Thanks for your entry:
"on the train
water in the glass
is still"
You've well-crafted this write, giving room for different interpretations to occur.
Wonderful.
Harrisham Minhas
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Until the train starts I suspose.
Love,
Amera♥
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this haiku is very Buddhist in flavor. interesting title for your list, " a slap from Buddha's hand " ... the sharpness of insight.
anyways, like the use of the train to portray movement and the stillness of mind that can occur even when one is on that track .. my take .
good luck in the contest.
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It comes from my short, haiku-like poem:
sun and rain
together
a slap
from Buddha’s hand
To me, haiku is a totally zen thing. It's not about writing a poem, it's about a total experience/no experience. And by the way, your "take" is exactly what I was trying to convey. Thank you.
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not on AMtrak!
(talk about infrastructure)
eloquent Mairi
of course
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Everyone's a comic!
(thank you)
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I like this, but it does not describe the water in my glass.
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that's cos you'rs has scotch in it
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Sorry but no, Kentucky whiskey thanks.
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I can see that this one has failed to make its point. I think I'll pull it from the contest.
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no reason to pull it, because I am dense this week... or terminally dense.
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i prefer aerated
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I wasn't referring to whether the water was fizzy.
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lol i know, I just couldn't resist
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Sorry Chez - I break easily today.
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take heart my friend, we all do days like these
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Nice one
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Glad you dig it.
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She's opened it for prewrites for you
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By the way, bro - explain the physics to Jem for me, then she'll get the zen.
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Talking about me here?
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No, I'm talking about Jem.
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Can only assume it wasn't one of Branson's trains
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Well if they had stewardesses in red...
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