Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Here's to a soldier's heart

Here's to the girl with the fire
Here's to the girl with the steel in her heart
who locks away
messy emotions,
lovingly rips out attachments, one by one,
like dear, stubborn stitches;
who closes the wound over a changed heart
scarred and embittered
but strong.

Here's to the girl who's not quite beautiful
Here's to the girl who's not quite bulletproof...
but shhhh!!
She doesn't know we know.

Here's to the girl who smiles through her tears
who charges full speed ahead
to rescue strangers left and right,
leaving her own heart
in a disheveled heap on the side of the highway.

Here's to that girl we've all seen before,
battle-weary and grim,
her pitted soldier's heart disguised
by an ever-constant smile.
Here's to the girl who doesn't want our admiration...
Honey, here's to you.

Author notes

Her bear moved no more
9) "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional."

C A R O L I N A
Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles

A contest entry

What do you think??

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 39 of 39

  • SmartBrick
    October 5
    Edit | Reply
    eww.Love it.


  • rainboots
    September 23
    Edit | Reply
    Aw. Sweet and loving. Beautifully wrote.


  • Breathe.Into.Me
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poem! Honestly, I wasn't expecting something so touching and soul catching. It's a poem that really makes you think about the heart and just how much it can take. Thank you so much for entering my contest and the best of luck to you.


  • hey charlie
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    I probably would have liked this better if I didn't have to scroll through a bunch of contests to reach the comment box. This is very well written and I really enjoyed it, but I really can't stand when people enter things that have been in a lot of different contests.

    Anyway, thanks for entering.


  • T.o.r.t.u.r.e. gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    this is an interesting piece. thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. i hope to see you in the next round


  • lingonberries
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    First I just have to say that, that is a good song!
    I like the structure of this piece, and the concept. It's nice with the "shhhh" which makes the poem feel more spoken. I can almost hear someone talking, like a given speech... It's an interesting read.


    • Jack-of-all-Colors
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      i'm glad you enjoyed it!! i actually didn't mean for it to be a song...but hey, whatever works =)


  • dismantle-me
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. It's not often that the people who just GET ON with their lives are acknowledged. It's sad to see people reaping attention by talking to anyone who will listen about their life's tradgedies (some of which are suspiciously unrealistic). This goes some way towards counteracting that, and is a well written piece full of interesting metaphor too.


    • Jack-of-all-Colors
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      bingo =) i wanted to write a tribute to those people who have that kind of quiet, inner strength that doesn't require any flashy displays of martyrdom or sacrifice.


  • Wolf Mistress silver member
    September 8

    Edit | Reply
    Here's to the girl who's not quite bulletproof...
    but shhhh!!
    She doesn't know we know.....

    But now we all know do we?
    This for sure needs some trophy's to my opinion

    Good luck in this contest


    • Jack-of-all-Colors
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      thanks so much for the warm comments =) it's always wonderful to get some encouragement. and thank you for taking the time to read!


  • Antebellum
    September 4

    Edit | Reply
    Here's to that girl we've all seen before,
    battle-weary and grim,
    her pitted soldier's heart disguised
    by an ever-constant smile.
    Here's to the girl who doesn't want our admiration...
    Honey, here's to you.
    this is wonderful.
    Such a beautiful write.
    I'm not sure how this hasnt won anything yet, but it's for sure gonna be way up on the finalist list.
    thanks for taking the time to enter,
    good luck.


    • Jack-of-all-Colors
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      i'm so glad you enjoyed it!! yeah, i love the last stanza as well, it's one of my favorite parts =) thanks for taking the time to read and comment!


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    August 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good poem. Overall it was very well written. I like the description and metaphor in this piece. The first stanza seemed to sit a little weird but the rest of the poem was fantastic. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Not-The-Sun
    August 26
    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure how you haven't won a contest with this entry yet, but it's only been a few days since you wrote it so you should have high hopes for this one.

    Honestly I was a little unsure if I was going to like this based on a first stanza, it wasn't my favorite; I think it was just a different style than what I like to read normally.

    The second stanza opened up brilliantly to me with "Here's to the girl who's not quite beautiful" and then how you made the next line the same except for the word "bulletproof". That says so much, right there. Knowing when to repeat things for emphasis and when to change things for implied meanings. "not quite beautiful" is such a sad line in my opinion. The term "bulletproof" is well chosen, considering the topic of the poem.

    The third stanza again opened up very well. It's a stanza that many people can relate to, or at least most people know someone like that; the person who tries and tries to please and help others and doesn't think enough to help themselves.

    "her pitted soldier's heart disguised by .. a smile" is terrific metaphor, and it is a good summary of the poem too, that's why it fits well as the title.

    The last two lines are just plain brilliant. Nothing else to say about it.

    Good luck in these various contests Expect positive feedback from many!


    • Jack-of-all-Colors
      August 26
      Edit | Reply
      i love the second stanza =) it was one of those times when the words just flowed, and i didn't even have to think about what i was writing, because it was already written somewhere in my heart, you know? i'm so glad you liked this!! it's one of my favorites, one of those poems that's really close to my heart. do you have any suggestions on how i could improve the first stanza??

      thanks so much for the thoughtful and flattering comment =)


      • Not-The-Sun
        August 26

        Edit | Reply
        "Here's to the girl with the fire"
        By fire are you implying that she has the dreams/ ambitions/ flames to move forward? does it mean passion? maybe you could try "Here's to the girl with the fire....." and add something at the end of the line, there.
        like, "with the fire to blah blah blah" and fill it in

        " steel in her heart" sounded cliche to me, that's the only reason I didnt take to it. the rest of the piece is so damn good, this line doesnt deserve a spot here. only possible suggestion I have is to change the word steel? but please don't, because my opinion is worth next to nothing on here, haha. I'm just responding to you because you asked

        "who locks away
        messy emotions"
        doesn't need to be on two separate lines.

        i would add a comma after the line
        "who closes the wound over a changed heart" to give the reader a second to breathe. maybe by putting "scarred and embittered" on the next line you were hoping that that would suffice for the reader's pause but i think the comma would help; otherwise it just looks like a really long run on sentence.

        maybe that's what it is. the first stanza is really long compared to the others and all the lines in the first stanza just blend in so much with eachother like one run on sentence.

        I demand that you don't change a thing unless someone else gives you a critique with similar suggestions.


        • Jack-of-all-Colors
          August 26
          Edit | Reply
          haha alright, but i'm taking your advice to heart. thanks so much for the helpful critiques, i'm new to poetry, and i'm really trying to get better =)


  • HereComesTheSun
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    i love the line about shh she doesnt know we know - how it fits humans so well that we see our flaws and yet put on so much foundation to hide them

    thanks for entering



    dont forget this is a entry judged contest


  • Horcrux.Breathing
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    woaw I really like this write its amasing...I could feel so much from it...and I know sombody similar to this, lol it also somhow reminds me of myself. Beautiful. Thankyou for entering and reading the rules

  • galgas
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm. I like it, especially the last line, but there are a few things I'm not sure about. I think it should be a little more uniform (ha ha ha) in rhythm, and isn't "ever-constant" a tautology? It's interesting though. What inspired you, if anything?


    • Jack-of-all-Colors
      August 23
      Edit | Reply
      haha no, i definitely need to work on that. i'm new to poetry, i actually just wrote these two a few days ago. previously, i was (well, i still am) more into creative writing, which has no meter or rhythm. consequently, the rhythmic nature of poetry often escapes me. thanks for the thoughtful comment =)

      • galgas
        August 23
        Edit | Reply
        Yeah, I guess I'm more into creative writing too. Poetry is, I think, harder to write - for one thing, it's much shorter, and it's usually a lot more emotionally raw as well. I have to say, having advised you to revise both of your poems, that I hate revsion myself, and rarely do it.


        • Jack-of-all-Colors
          August 23

          Edit | Reply
          haha i feel you there =) i tend to shy away from meter and structured rhythm, because i think it limits me as far as the words i can use, and i really can't stand sacrificing a beautiful word for an ordinary one, just because it fits in line, you know?? and as far as what inspired me, i wanted to pay a tribute to those few bright, selfless, extraordinary, independent young women that exist in my life. god knows they won't accept my praise normally =)

          • galgas
            August 24
            Edit | Reply
            Yes, of course. But why the change of name?


  • individuality gold member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    a good poem, ah are any of us bulletproof! we have to take the emotional hits life and love throws at us and keep on the smiling masks as much as we can, not always do we manage this for they slip here and there, but we have to keep trying.


  • Rick Weston silver member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    a very good poem. paints the image well of this girl. i liked the repetition you use, it works very well. nice writing.


  • xxvampyregirlxx
    August 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is very amazing I really enjoyed reading it. It's very sad and emotional but lovely.


    • Jack-of-all-Colors
      August 22
      Edit | Reply
      i hope it's not too sad!! i wasn't trying to write something all woe-is-me =) but i'm so happy you liked it! and thanks for commenting.


  • Candice Bezanson
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this very much. We all see soldiers as stond steadfast individuals but we never stop to consider their emotional battles. thank you for making us think !


    • Jack-of-all-Colors
      August 22
      Edit | Reply
      no problem =) thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment! i'm so glad you liked it.


  • Stardust Memories
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    Very deep. I can really relate to his poem in some ways, it was very emotional and powerfull all the way through. I think the title really suits the poem, great job with this write! I liked it allot Hope you're enjoying All Poetry. I hope to read more from you soon. Keep the ink flowing!

    ~Tash.


    • Jack-of-all-Colors
      August 22
      Edit | Reply
      thanks girl! and thanks for the warm welcome. i loved writing this, i'm so glad you enjoyed it =)

  • Topnotchsy
    August 20
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write here, and welcome to the site!!


  • Lowell Poe
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    You have come with bails of plenty lass...
    nice entrance....
    The second stanza is art in itself...
    yet each sentence marries the other so smooth...
    Great title showing a warrior
    who has fought many battles to write this piece.
    Lack of fear brings victory...
    the third staza got me
    cause im a big fan of gypsy highway poems and writes...
    you may notice that...lol
    This is excellent...
    an over all poetic observance of survival
    conveyed like a true writer.

    Bless your heart lass,
    Liam

1 - 39 of 39