falling to idealism... again

Dear Noir Mariposa,

I feel like I wasted another year. I guess I surrender too easily, one of my many fatal flaws (and god I have so many). I feel like the pebble at end of the river's delta, once a rock with a foundation until it was beaten down. Now I've drifted down a river and I can't quite recall how I let it get so far.

You see, I'm too idealistic to be a lawyer. Only poets and artists are allowed to be idealistic. But the world thinks I'd make a good lawyer. I don't know if I could tell the world it was wrong since I'm gravitationally responsible to the world. Maybe if gravity were to fail and I could just drift away...... wait, there I go being unrealistic again. It's going to be a hard habit to break.

Sometimes I think I owe the world an apology. I like living in my head more than I enjoy existing on it. I get carried away in thoughts of my youth or thoughts of a different future that wasn't quite planned for me.

Just yesterday, my friend and I whispered about starting up a band and running away from everything. In theory, we liked our dream, but in reality she's meant to be a broadway singer and my guitar skills consists of "smoke on the water" (and that's using the word skills rather loosely).

Noir, I have an aptitude for naive dreams. And I feel like the poet born to two scientists. I just don't make sense. My vision of things is just so different.

And sometimes I get so angry when I see the happiness of others. It's pathetic I know, but god they are so lucky to know what they are destined for. I think destiny took a day off when I was created, because I just drift between failed hopes. I hold on to my anger only for a little while though. I refuse to take away someone else's happiness because I am bitter. I think everyone deserves to smile. And I'd be damned if I let someone take that away from me, so I suppose it's only fair.

So Noir, I feel like I'm leaving you with an unresolved sigh. But I hope that wherever you are, you are dreaming and possibly smiling.

      Sincerely,
           corrupt angel