Not Worthy

just lost another gem - my best friend
like lotsa poems that i never saved right then
and the screen went blank or the papers got tossed
and my man had a dream but his plans got crossed
by a good for nothin junkie
who's judgement got lost
my boy took a 10 dollar pill
wasnt worth the cost
BIG said he was a thug but he still cried...
i been wonderin why my eyes are still dry
i guess death don't bother me
but i oughta be
down hurtin, knees soaked in alotta pee
tell me why i gotta be
on some hard shit
when last year i couldn't even keep up a hard dick
i was goin crazy missin my baby
i let tears fall for a slit wit some rabies
i lost alotta years let my face crack
let these dots build up dawg i couldn't face that...
i couldn't live without her, but now my face dry
i ain't fly
i'm a cowardly ass fuck and i hate my
existence
God tell me why i can't sleep
i can't cry out the hurt but my pants weep
always jerkin it or fuckin on some slut bitch
i ain't tough man i gotta get my gut fixed
fuck this, i really wanna choke myself
i'm a worthless peice of shit and i hope i melt
in the fires down below
i can't face God
i can only greet my boy with a fake nod
cuz he seen that i'm sittin here
bitchin
still thinkin bout bitches, sittin here wishin
that love would come find me
did my boy grimey
wish he would come back but he'd probably despise me
i'll puff another bone so my time here's shortened
not meant for this world,
wish my mom had an abortion