Going Postal Before Self Disposal

Dear memories,

Why do you taunt me so? You know me better than anyone else and so you hold my life in your hands. You hold my past and all the things that I remember. The things that make me happy and sad to this day you have it and you hold it against me. Why? What have I ever done to you. Although I suppose I am to blame as well because sometimes I curse my memories and wish they had never happened. I suppose once again I am the reason for all this pain.


Dear tears,

Why do you still cry at the thoughts of memories. Some are bad but you even cry through the good ones. Why is it that you want to drown my eyes. Are you the part that makes everything a tearful occasion. I seem to be stuck in my tears and even memories. And so I ask you why. Why are you so attached to my eyes. Even when I’m happy it seems you follow . I’m not sure I understand why tears are necessary for everything. don’t you know my eyes are sick of being wet and sick of seeming sad when sometimes they are not. Why tears? Why do you taunt me so?


My beloved life,

Are you against me? Why is it that right now every aspect of every concept of my life is torture? Do you even know what it is that you want from me? Why does life bring memories? I could see good ones. But unwanted ones too? Ones that bring tears even in happy times? I suppose that sometimes it is just life that makes us mad.  Or could it be all in my mind?


Dear mind,


Why do you think so much? I feel as if I’m insane in certain parts of my deluded mind. Maybe this is my fault. Why should I blame you when I apparently control you. Sometimes I don’t understand why it is that I think so much. Its my thinking. My life. My tears. My memories. Thank you mind…you’ve yet again made me realize something I almost forgot.


Dear myself,

Hello you look pretty today ( if only I believed that). So I guess through these chain letters everything sent me back to you. Every tear. Every memory. Every thought. All this has all brought me back. You control all this don’t you. You are the reason for your own pain. You are the thing that makes everything work and you are the frame of mind you set. I’ve been digging through everything about me trying to figure out where my flaws stand and you are. They are you. that’s interesting considering I knew that all along. So…this is square one.  And I’m left with one universal question.



Why do you taunt me so?


Ps. By the time you can answer this I will probably be well on my way to the same discovery. You know where I am because I never leave no matter how much you wish I would when i look into the mirror. Now isn’t that sad. To think I’ve cried over me and hurt myself  and asked myself questions that I already knew the answers to. All I can say is good luck because I’m probably going to need it.

Love,
The girl who just doesn’t seem to know everything anymore.