What if you left me when we were meant to be?
Would the sky then be filled with broken stars?
I’m tired of this endless fear
Fear of losing you
I thought that we were meant to be
That you’d be here when the stars went out
And nothing made sense when I was with you
It felt like we were the only ones on the planet
But I lost you
On that night the stars went out
And I was alone
What do you think?
Comments
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Nice ideas!
Like you, the stars (and the moon) inspire me to love (and loss) poems. I like your ideas here - the 'broken stars' and the stars 'going out' are a really nice ones. You continue that celestial metaphor with the 'only ones on the planet' line which relates quite nicely (reminds me a bit of that line from John Donne's 'The Sunne Rising' (one of the truly great love poems) that places the lovers' bed at the centre of the universe...
I'm not always comfortable with verse as free as this, but it works here - almost conversational. Repetition of lines and words can be tricky too, but very effective also... again you pull it off nicely with 'we were meant to be'... and 'fear'
It feels like a poem born of pain... and my comments are quite technical... though I feel strong emotions from my reading. Really liked your poem, well written!
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Really thoughtful
Thanks for reading it
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"I’m tired of this endless fear
Fear of losing you"
This is a wonderful write! This is beautiful and easy to relate to. I like the imagery of the stars breaking/going out to represent the relationship ending. Well penned.
~HH
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woa its rlly kl lol mines rubbish how do u get soo gud at peotry i cant imm crap at english
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