Would she still love me if she knew?
And everything reminds me of her
These things I’ve seen before
I hear her voice all the time
I see her face every time I close my eyes
And when she cries my entire world smashes into pieces
Every tear that she cries cuts into me like shards of glass
What do you think?
Comments
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I love this! Beautiful words. This piece reminds me a bit of either "Tears Don't Fall" by Bullet For My Valentine or "The Crimson" by Atreyu.
I especially liked 2-3 and 4-5... they were so strong and 'real.' My only critique, which might be more of a personal preference, is that I think this piece might be a bit more effective with some punctuation, especially at the end... might make your words stand out even more.
Wonderfully penned. Keep on writing, poet. ♥
~HH
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Thanks
I've never heard the Atreyu song but I'll be sure to listen to it. Yeah i was listening to that song when I came up with it. I'm not sure about the ending but I'll take what you've said about the punctuation in to consideration. Yeah reading back over it I think that it might stand out a bit more if I used some punctuation. Anyway thanks for your comment.
Midnight-Tears
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What do you think?
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