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The Invisible Wall

O fourth wall, I cross thee
from the land of Shakespeare
past the kingdom of Poe
on through King district
down Rice lane
and across the plains of.....purple hippos and flying penguins???

Fourth wall, invisible wall
what shall you do now?

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Mango Memories gold member
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm...


    See im most of my contests i never take the time to actually hop into details and usually leave a suger coated message. But i like this contest and i know exactly what im looking for.


    Yes, you did break the forth wall, but too... how do i say. Open?

    It left nothing for me to chew my lips around and think... hmmm!


    Thats what i think breaking the forth wall is supposed to do.

    Its ment to grab an audience in, and direct it at the audience. And i dont think this poem did it so well. It was more like it was referring to itself.

    When you break the forth wall, you the poet should be directing it at the audience.


    I.E


    Should you read between the lines,
    of such simplified dialogue,
    you will find half-hearted attempts at meaning.



    See how i point it at the reader. And thus the reader is 100% in the poem.

    What you did was a wonderful attempt, and i really enjoyed reading it never the less .


    Bravo!


  • sweet arrival gold member
    August 19

    Edit | Reply
    great with that prompt. lol... had some absurdity in there and that always gets a smile from me. i believe you may have broken through the 4th wall. good luck.