Self Destruction

Even when I throw chaos at my life,
it seems I follow the path of order not strife.
But what tune do I dance in this sick romance,
my subconscious leads me through the trance.
Wandering back again to the familiar step,
I can only follow this demon piper through the depth.
It does not matter if I stop,
I feel another soul will take my spot.
So I rail against this destiny of lies,
as I betray the nature of my disguise.
Hoping to spoil the ancient fool in me,
that being which delights in causality.
How cold it is, no equal, no friend,
no lover, no enemies, just me alone at the end.
There to shuffle and pace,
until I can accept my role in grace.
One event must follow another,
if I should dance in tune with the other.
At least I may have some satisfaction,
that my purpose has some beauty past its action.