i. You compared me to your cat;
Fluffy, the black shorthair.
The one with the stuffed carrot.
Said I was bad luck;
a cancerous growth in your side.
You couldn't let me go,
had me on an emotional leash;
in fact, you tied it to a tree.
Even though I tried; I couldn't get away.
ii. When I ran out of space
I scratched it into my forehead;
thought it was clear as day
turned out it was just make-believe.
Believed maybe you would see it
- misguided should be my middle name.
Turns out I'm just as blind as you are.
iii. Peel back the many layers of our relationship
- go on, I dare you -
I think you'll find
that like an onion, it'll just make you cry.
Hadn't wanted it to come to this;
thought there was still hope.
I'm just as afraid as you are.
Maybe I should stop surrounding myself with mirrors.
Author notes
8 people
Prompt be posted here:
I write to myself because no one knows me better
OR
You can't see a reflection straight on
I kinda used both 
If that's okay....
~~~~~~~~~~~
Moral of the story. She was talking to herself. In the mirror ^^
A contest entry
- Quickie. by Noir mariposa...x.
700 points, ended August 18, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive criticism is appreciated
Comments
-
This was a little bit on the challenging side considering you were writing about yourself talking to yourself. Congrats on the silver trophy by the way. It is well deserved. I love the setout of this piece and how you gave the words so much power and emphasis. Even though in your authors nots you say she was talking to herself in the mirror, I saw someone trying to untie some knots in her relationship, trying to understand where it had all gone wrong. A very solemn piece that challenged the reader to see what you were seeing. Well done.
-
"When I ran out of space
I scratched it into my forehead;
thought it was clear as day
turned out it was just make-believe."
This and the last line were very touching, deeply thought of and the words choice was perfect. You have had a wonderful go with metaphor.
Love
~Noor
-
"
ii. When I ran out of space
I scratched it into my forehead;
thought it was clear as day
turned out it was just make-believe.
Believed maybe you would see it
- misguided should be my middle name.
Turns out I'm just as blind as you are. "
That part,
just there,
was brilliant
As kinda usual, I had no idea what the hell you were going on about til the end, but I love the way you went with this
I think this is one of the best writes I've read from you :]
Thank you for entering,
I wish you the best of luck;
Claire x
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