Look in the mirror, what do you see?
The beauty, the elegance, the passions in thee.
Now look into my eyes and what do you see?
A reflection of you but seen through me.
Untarnished by stress or the passing of time,
It's a steadfast image buried deep in my mind.
The deeper you look the more you'll see,
We're two souls connecting you and me.
Time stands still in a soulful stare,
Two hearts beating without a care.
Two souls connecting without reason or rhyme,
It's a sensuous moment you share at that time.
A watery reflection can bend with a tear,
One at night in the glass is not very clear.
A mirror can distort the image of you,
But the one in my eye is pure and true.
Author notes
I wrote this for a lady friend of mine that had lost a breast to cancer.
A contest entry
- picking your brain to pick mine by Odds and Ends.
1600 points, ended September 24, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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very interesting poem but i agree with Jade Rain about the whole "One at night in the glass is not very clear.
regardless good interesting poem -
aw! this is so sweet!
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its rly an awesome poem the last line z amazn (a mirror can distort the image of you but the 1 n ma eye z pure tru)all love z summarizd n those 2 lines!gr8 keep ritn
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Thank you for your comment -I'm glad you liked it.
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I love how you've taken an older style and transformed it into your own. It's unique and fresh, and a very different direction than some poems I've seen recently. Only critique, I was impressed by how fluently your rhymes went together, until I read this pair:
A watery reflection can bend with a tear,
One at night in the glass is not very clear.
It's the second line. It is too wordy,too many syllables. Perhaps rephrase with something like "One at night in the glass not so clear"?
Simply a suggestion, but I truly enjoyed this. Great job! -
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I'm glad you enjoyed the poem
I chose to use the words "is not very clear" because of the way I recite the poem. It allows me to say the second have of the phrase with a snicker. I read this poem at the international society of poets convension in Las Vegas. This is my own style that I came up with from reading Longfellow. Tennisen and Shakespeare. All of my work is written with the same simplicity. I haven't been on here in quite a while as I've been writting my Biography. I do intend to read more of your poems.Thank-you for the suggestion I greatly appreciate it.Have a great day!
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