rose petal sweet seductions

I can feel her warm breath on my neck
her soft, pouty lips whispering unspeakable things in my ear
my heart begins to race with the feeling of being wanted
She wanted me and just that thought was enough to give me goosebumps

My lips nibbled on her ear as she aggressively yet passionately threw me on the bed
This feeling, this rush, this ecstacy made me squirm, giggle, and forget about all of tormented pain and hardship that was my past.

I knew the endorphins were only good for so long
what comes up must always come down
the minute she left I sunk back into deep and utter despair
why do I keep doing this to myself?
Degrating myself just for a little bit of pleasure
who am I really trying to show? Prove myself to?
These women wont bring my love back
All of this means nothing
pointless flings that made things  sacred , people in love was now
just another thing to me
wake up, brush teeth, shower, sex,kiss, touch, eat
just part of my daily routine
vocabulary
emotionless acts that will make me become colder and more skeptical about love
the meaning dies and all ive done for myself is
learned to become less attached to everyone

Life seemed so distant now
these lovers faces were just a blur to me
nothing special about any of them
just a temporary bandaid
with scars underneath that will never heal


days,weeks,months
I had no concept of time
my lost love was the only thing that was ever on my mind

You were the only one I truly wanted to give my body , my soul,all of me to
the world to me was you, and once you left I became delusional

now I realize I took you for granted
only 1 way I can be happy and that is  to  love myself again
and move on

until then
no more