It's Me .....

.... so I sat there and tried to withstand the gentle assault on my intentions,
my truth, my history and my self.

I wanted to shout - "Wait! I feel the same as you - Can't you see? We are together on this - Yes, she's a special lady and I will protect her just like you do".

... but maybe she really doesn't want you to.

Yes ... maybe. Can it be true? Am I so blind as to not see this if it's so? Is my pain
spreading upwards from my injuries and my failings? Is it making me a shallow fool?

"No, I wanted to cry! I have inhaled her willing breath to the depths of my soul and
felt the tiger ... the tiger burning bright that robs my sight but not my vision."

I wanted to turn and look at her, and ask for the affirmation of her care. A smile perhaps. I needed to see her as I know her, but there was a stranger sitting there - in silence.

... reaching back to the past - and the familiar - and the comfortable illusion of a kind of safeness that enfolds her as I can't.

So, in the end I was defeated. I could not dispute the reality of the doubts set in front of me ... nor the necessity, and love, to let them be.

Yet, I felt set upon - when I least needed it, and forced to listen to a bit of my past brought before my eyes once more, as if I had asked for this.

There was no anger or fear - no, just an empty feeling of darkness that the very thing that each of us wanted so much  ... all of us there ... was not going to be.

I was not going to be allowed to show my sincerity in love. I was in a state of a painful numb. Why was this happening?

I wanted to shout, "Hey! Look over here. Can't you see Baby - It's me!

... it's me.





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