Love like a war, you want to die inside.
You got to take the pain and go on with your life.
You want to take that knife and taketo your heart, but it's never that easy.
Love is worth fightning for.
I got to tell you whatI feel inside.
It' a painthat I can't eve hide.
Yo make me want to cry.
Ican never tell you why.
What did you think
Comments
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ONFG (oh nuts fried grilled my new saying instead of omfg) that was amazing
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it's decent. If you don't mind me pointing out, there are just a few small errors.
line 1 - Love *is* like a war
line 2 - I dunno, perhaps it was stated that way on purpose, but "You got" is grammatically incorrect in the context. 'You've got" or 'You have' would be more correct (again, unless that was the effect you were looking for, and if so, I sincerely apologize)
line 3 - you used 'take' twice, I don't know if that was planned or not. Also, "Take* it *to your heart
line 4 (sorry about all the critique here, feel free to ignore it..grammar's a bit of an obsession for me
) - small type: *fighting*
line 5 - same as in 2..unless you mean it to sound like that, "I got" is used improperly. "I've got" or "I have" would be perfectly acceptable, though. Oh, and another tiny typo: I*have.
line six - a few small typos: *It's*, pain*that, and *even*. Also (and again, this is just my very inexpert opinion, (I'm actually not much older than you) 'even' doesn't seem to fit quite right. I dunno.
line 7 - small typo: *You*
line 8 - same thing: I*can.
all right, sorry about all of that. As I said, it's a bit of an obsession. Don't take it personally, it's a good poem, and a good beginning. Keep writing, you'll only improve!^-^
Oh, and once more: feel free to completely ignore all that I said, other than "It's good." and "Keep writing, you'll only improve!"
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