When I wish upon a star
Nothingness seems to happen
Hope
Aspirations
Fade into pipe dreams
Words of honest longing
F a l l
Upon deaf ears
Internal burning
Passion
Desire
Watered with negative critiques
From those who have forgotten how to dream
Author notes
Yes, I know nothingness isn't a real word, but I like it. I think it conveys my point of a "magical nothing" happening.
In a list
A contest entry
- Jury of your peers #4 by islekine.
490 points, ended August 21, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make My Spine Shiver and My Heart Cry by hisfallenangel821.
525 points, ended September 13, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites!!!! by Fallen-Thumper.
1200 points, ended November 13, 184 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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thank you for entering
i really like this piece and i love it, a really great job and an amazing write, brilliant! good luck and thanks for entering!
-penguin- -
The line "nothingness appears to happen" throws me off, I don't think that it's grammatically correct. "Nothing appears to happen" makes more grammatical sense to me. Congrats on the gold in one of those contents, well penned.
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Very powerful piece - you expressed your emotions strongly but without sounding personal. The poem progresses very well and it goes out with a bang; the last line is for real memorable.
Some small suggestions/criticism...
1. Spacing letters (Line 7) is silly. It doesn't add to your poem in my opinion.
2. Nothingness seems to happen? I think that's grammatically incorrect and you're over complicating it. It should just be 'nothing.'
Overall, it's short and to the point but without sounding dull. Nice work.
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I know the feeling, very well done though. Emotions well portrayed.
Thanks for sharing!
x -
Wow this was amazing short yet sweet I really liked this write
Great usage of wording and imaginary
Thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck
-♥Amy♥ -
Thank you for entering this poem When I Wish Upon A Star in my contest. Good luck and God bless.
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Very nice!
This is so beatiful.
I really like a lot!
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Life is like climbing a mountain, don't be discouraged at how far you still have to climb. Instead look behind and see how far you have already come. The people who give negative critiques are still in the foot hills and have not even begun to climb.
You packed a lot of power with your words in just a few short lines.
Good luck in the contest.
Bill
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wish upon your soul, let it burn brighter than any star,
let it warm others around you until they wish upon their souls too, stars are but cold burning rocks in distant space, their light takes yeras to reach men, your light can start tomorrow making the world a brighter place. The further we reach out, the closer we become. Very thought provoking write, I wish you only the best~~~Artis
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Hope
Aspirations
Fade into pipe dreams
Very pretty, I like the combination with dirty pretty and the adjectives you use in this.
Nice write -
OMG, this one just blows me away. And anyone who doesn't take time to actually READ this one to see what it REALLY says is missing out on one hell of a great write. A very cleverly written write dear, I absolutely LOVE IT... love it, love it ...
love it!
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.
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Very honest and from the heart! Wonderful words you've penned here my friend!
I wish you well and thank you for sharing your awesome talent with me once again.
Good luck to you with this one!
Jeremy0826
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That last line sums up the sadness C
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I really like this!
Sad, but well penned! Thanks for entering...best wishes in the contest and always!
Write on and on!
and
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Awesome!
I loved this. It was from the heart, and I know because the same thing happens to me, because no one remembers how to dream. My favorite line was
"Words of honest longing
fall
upon deaf ears"
Great write, and keep up the great work! I hope to read some of your other pieces as well!
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What a beautiful read this one is! I love it! Wouldn't it be great if we all remembered how to dream?! I know, I forgot for a while, but things are changing and it seems like I am dreaming more than ever lately!
Great job!
Best of luck in this contest!
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