There's an old motel down there
And even though no one believes in haunted houses
Something about it seems so abnormal
No one can put there finger on it
In that creepy, ancient tree there's an abandoned cardinal nest
A vacant rabbit burrow under the gnarled roots
And once when someone went in with a lantern
I don't remember him ever returning
There's a chain-link fence surrounding the motel
Ivy and moss cover it from the overgrown and untended garden
A mysterious jam jar has been tossed outside the gate
It has a label no one yet dared to read
If you are brave enough to look, upon the windowsill there is a wooden ferris wheel That always turns whether the wind blows or not
The small toy is very old, though, and scratched
So the wooden children that ride it are heavily bruised
There is a steel bar in the ground and a ripped chain rope
Where a dog once snarled at every passerby
One day he escaped the chains of his prison
The village rumors say that he is not dead yet, and still roaming
Inside, the walls, ceiling, and floor are covered with cobweb after cobweb
I sit on the bottom step of the collapsed staircase
Petting this dog, who I have trained not to snarl at every passerby
It's dark, like a black-out, because there is no more light in my lantern
Author notes
The option I used was the word bank. These are the words I used:
rabbit, cobweb, motel, chain-link fence, ivy, cardinal, snarled,
bruised, windowsill, jam jar, ferris wheel, lantern, black-out
A contest entry
- prewrite contest for the group (the creative writing class) and others can join as well by serenity silvermoon.
1200 points, ended August 21, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - there's gonna be a knife fight in china town. by bird-mad girl.
1750 points, ended September 8, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest 1st come 1st serve by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended November 14, 407 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment.
Comments
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I felt like some of the words you used from the bank were forced into their setting, like it wasn't natural for them to be where they were in your piece. therefore, the flow as kind of jagged.
I thought the story-telling was okay. it wasn't a kind of "spooky" that I haven't already seen. expect there was one line that I thought was eerie:
"A vacant rabbit burrow under the gnarled roots"
Of all lines :] I loved the description of abandoment. it was so stirring and haunting. if your piece had more lines like that it would have been very Poe-ish.
thank you for entering.
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No one can put there finger on it ... their
None saw him return ... because of the last line of the previous verse above
there is a wooden ferris wheel That always turns whether the wind blows or not
I'm trying to understand why the first word is not capitalized and That is ...
is the repetition of at every passerby indispensable ?
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The content effectively echoes the background and demonstrates excellent control of vocabulary and surprisingly good imagery drawing on the word bank as in So the wooden children that ride it are heavily bruised
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i give you a B- thanks for sharing
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Very imaginative use of the word bank. I think you have created a great poem. I wish you good luck in the contest
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