He broke my thoughts with patronizing sighs.
I always wanted to tell him how much I hated his eyes.
They spoke when he couldn't
and I never needed irises laced with words.
This is where a wrecking ball to the skull
lands an eighteen year old girl
with failed ambition and weak lungs,
right into the arms of the sympathizer.
If I wanted to show him my vulnerability,
I'd slit a wrist and let him watch the blood drain.
But no, I'd rather bleed an ink pen
onto the blank pages of my journal.
There was never a request
to stand hand in hand over the ledge.
Don't speak in empathy to me.
It's a dead language.
I'm so tired of talking
in metaphors he can't hear.
Just push me. fucking push me
So I can finally fall.
Author notes
prompt: "The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." -Hunter S. Thompson
A contest entry
- there's gonna be a knife fight in china town. by bird-mad girl.
1750 points, ended September 8, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I thought the opening stanza was outstanding. it was really fantastic. the first line sounds like something out of poem from the 1920s. I can't explain it but it just had this grand atmosphere to it. also, I loved the "how much I hated his eyes." because most people go on and on about how someone's eyes can be captivating. I thought that was wonderful.
I felt like as the piece went on, it lost it's spark. I guess I was just expecting more of what that first line was like. and I don't want to be an asshole and say it got shitty because it's not that, it just didn't carry the intensity to the end. I think with a tweaking of word choice you could have yourself something really stellar.
thank you for entering.
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Wow...
This is very good poet. I see the angst and the anger. The emotions shine through this write in every stanza. You have a strong piece here. Well done.
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