Hope and Frustration

MoonlitRoses,

You want to know what keeps me up at night?
The same thing that keeps most women up.
He's very pretty, and everything I want - too bad he's as emotionally unavailable as they come and as hard to talk to as a temperamental child.

I love him, so much it physically hurts at times, but I can't get any kind of answer from him beyond "I think I might have feelings for you."
What the fuck kind of thing is that to say? And now I'm stuck waiting around for him to decide what he wants and that is the only glimmer of hope he has ever given me. I know I can't expect him to just magically wake up one morning and know what he wants, but is it wrong to expect a little more to go on than that?
And I know there's two possibilities here:
- Talk to him. If I try that he'll take it as an ultimatum (now or never type deal) and get really pissy and bitchy.  In reality I just want to know if I'm wasting my time on him, because if he doesn't want me I wish he would just break my heart and get it over with. It would hurt more than I can imagine and I'm sure I would cry for days, but at least I would know.
But I don't know how to talk to him.
- Move on. Tried it. Can't. I love him, even when I don't want to, when he had a girlfriend, during all the times I've cried over him, I love him. And how can I be with anyone else when I do?
First off I don't want anyone else, secondly I would feel so guilty using someone like that. Not that I exactly have options lining up for me anyway.

So I'm tired, unhappy, out of ideas and out of people to talk to because my friends have got to be sick of me complaining about him after a year and a half of it. And that's why I'm pouring my heart out on Allpoetry at 1:30 in the morning because I was hoping that if I saw all this written down then maybe I would get some kind of perspective, or at least clear my head a little.
If you're wondering, it hasn't worked. It just makes me want a drink, and I kind of wish I hadn't quit smoking because a cigarette would feel so good right now.

Sorry if I made you regret asking, but I did warn you it was a cliche.

High-on-Death