Dear you,
I tried to think of words to describe you and couldn't. That in itself is the perfect way to describe you. No possible combination of words does you justice. No simple paragraph or letter or novel could describe how much you mean to me. I had thought my slight actions spoke volumes of how I felt but I was never known for always being right.
You said we were like the queen and jack of hearts but I did not understand. I spent hours analysing the comparison and could only come to the conclusion you were telling me you were not a king and I was not your queen. It recently occurred to me that perhaps I was not meant to understand. Perhaps there was never a meaning behind it to understand in the first place. All I know is that some of my happiest moments were spent with my hand in yours, your thumb tracing circles around mine. It's been too long since you left and the spaces between my fingers have never felt so empty.
Sometimes I wish I could tell you you are not the man I loved but the truth is, I wouldn't know. You feel like a stranger now and I have never missed the feeling of home so much. Your memory fights its way to the front line of my thoughts at the most inappropriate of moments and I cannot help but wonder what might have been. You have me like the stars in the night sky- without you, I do not shine.
You are my god given solace.
x
Author notes
blahblahblahblahblah.I can't stop remembering. That first fight, the first night, the night we stayed out for 12 hours and went to the cinema and just watched the stars, the panto, the 4am phone calls. Gah, make it stop?
I just realised that when I wrote this, I didn't address it to "Angelboy". I haven't called him that in a while I guess.
I was toying with the idea of making this a series of mini letters and then perhaps turning it into a poem, but this was how it came out so it still goes here.
Maybe once I got all these idiotic, non-poetic letters out of my system I can finally get back to some proper writing.
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