Get away,
Fly away!
Alone.
Self.
Thoughts.
The green flowing canopy and patchwork path welcome me.
Home away from home.
Time slows down.
Slow motion.
Time to think,
Think it through.
The path opens before me,
Stop to rest, hear the stream.
Mirrored seas of blue lie ahead, reflecting memories.
The sky darkens.
The anger consumes, sending mirrored skies to black.
I turn back.
The silence crashes over me.
Harmony, content.
Pausing at the archway...
Back to the rat race.
Author notes
One of four poems for an assignment. My fav of them all.
Any good?
Comments
-
I liked this, And it was Really great for an new poet. Its kinda, simple, and straight to the point, i like that.. hmm.. Some rhyming is good but, Dont go overboard, dont force it. I always find it easier to rhyme within sentences instead of at the end, Or using enjambment is a good way to stick some rhyme in there.
Have a look over some of my poems some time of you maybe wanna little push for, inspiration, or to look at some different writing techniques.
Haha, People are right, it doesn't have a straight forward story, But thats the beauty of it. The readers can get different views on different things.
In a way, it was rabling, but not bad rambling, Like, Poetic rambling... that wasnt realing rabling.
Am i still typing? Jeez, im sorry...
Best of luck in your long path to poetic exellence.
Keep On Shining,
x-Chloe-X -
Bravo!!
An excellent poem for a beginner. You're free to check out some of my poetry to see if you might like to incorporate a few things into your work. You have a very unique voice. I like the message and rhythm of this poem. Today poetry doesn't need to rhyme, but it's always a nice thing to have in a poem. And I agree with CandyLand, it doesn't sound like rambling. It's fantastic!! Keep up the great writing!
~Gin
-
i didnt think it sounded like rambling at all. I think sometimes we get consumed with our lived that we have to put our minds eleswhere to figure out the chaos of our thoughts. I thought this was very good. SOmetimes, it isn't that a poem needs to be blatantly obvious. SOmetimes, having a piece that is open to interpritation is a good thing. like a good abstract piece of art. I think you did a marvelous job!
-
This is pretty good. It read like random thoughts and actions on a solitary journey. Like walking through a daybream, then you realise you're off in lala land and reality snaps back in and your faced with the boss or the teacher droning on before you like they don't even know you are there... and never know your mind was gone
I don't have time to give any advice on this right now, but I don't really think there is much needed. I like the form you have put this into, I like the feel of the broken thoughts. The wistful rambling of the words... like I said... like a daydream. Very lovely
Adding your comment:
