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The most of me

I’m woe
I’m curse
not dead
but worse
my mind
long mad
my soul
long dust
my love
long gone
my heart
long rust
lips sweet?
May be
I’ve lost
all lust
trees green?
May be
my eyes
can't trust
no hour
no time
no dawn
no noon
no hope
but one
I’m not
yet done!

Author notes

This is my first ever poem, inspired by Robert Herrick's "Upon His Departure Hence".
Actually, that was the first time I borrowed Norton's Anthology from My college library and while reading a little essay under title VERSIFICATION, I came across this poem by Herrick. And it touched me so much that I scribbled this poem in my diary in front of Herrick's.

A contest entry

I am deeply interested in the comments about the versification adopted

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • lost.and.alone
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm ... I had to think about this write for a while, and re-read it a few times.

    It is quite good!

    Thanks for entering my contest. && good luck xx